Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

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[edit] feedback: Stephanie introduces Evita

Hello Steph, I'm going to post a general commentary now. You'll receive more specific feedback from me soon, ok?

First, you've got to edit your formatting! The whole piece runs together in one immense paragraph; I had to go ahead myself :-/ and re-format the narrative here on the discussion page just so I could actually read/absorb the information; otherwise it was overwhelming. Somewhere in the middle of the piece you observe that managing the intercultural transition must have been difficult, however, illustrations are lacking. Similarly, you emphasize in the conclusion that Evita sets "her own terms" without providing any evidence of how she has already done so. The details you have included are definitely informative, but they give us broad strokes rather than a close-up view of your subject. Does this make sense? Because you have made these assertions, it is evident that your ambition is to convey Evita's character. Can you delve deeper in order to achieve the desired effect?

Steph^(talk) 07:21, 2 October 2007 (EDT) {Note: feedback is not grading!}

[edit] Avoiding Conformity and Upholding Tradition

Born in the Philippines and raised in the United States, Evita Florendo harnessed the ability to make a smooth transition from her native Filipino culture to that of the foreign United States. Evita may have learned new ways of learning and living when she moved to the United States with her family at the age of thirteen, but her innate ties to her family members and Filipino culture have never been broken. Because she attended an international school in the Philippines before moving to the United States, Evita excelled upon arrival at her new school in Bedford, Massachusetts, which was specifically open to Filipino students residing in Massachusetts. It was at this school that Evita was able to practice her violin playing, speak her native language of Talalog, and practice Filipino dance among other students who shared the same culture. She quickly made friends that she still has today, and met her first boyfriend, Peter. However, Evita’s success at school never took away from time with her family. With four siblings and supportive parents, Evita carries along the family morals and ideals in her life now, from her community service, helping the poor in the Philippines through the organization, Gawad Kalinga, to Sunday morning church visits. Evita’s personality truly is a product of the experiences that she has had in her life. With dreams of being a nurse or a doctor, there is no doubt that Evita will achieve her goal and carry her optimistic, hard-working, and helpful attitude with her. Not many people can say that they know how to speak Talalog, in fact, not many people can say that they even know what it is. However, Evita can speak it fluently and there is something inspirational and interesting about a person who is bilingual, especially in a language not common in the United States. A native of the Philippines, Evita is has a rich, deep root in Filipino culture. She and her siblings even attended a Filipino school in United States which allowed them to learn American ways but to also hold onto their Filipino roots. Evita explained that she played the violin and practiced Filipino dance while attending her high school. It was during these four years at her high school that were crucial to Evita’s transition into American culture. Many times people who come to United States often get caught up in the glitz and the glamour of American culture and coming from a culture so different, it must have been hard to transition into without losing sight of her goals, ideals, and values. But Evita strived at her new school and by meeting her, one may never know that she is not a native of the United States. It seems that Evita maintains a perfect balance between each of the two cultures that she has experienced in her life. Because she maintains a perfect balance of the two cultures Evita has become an extremely open-minded person--a characteristic that is visible from the first time that you meet Evita. It is clear that Evita’s open-mindedness is something that she has acquired from being a person that has experienced two different cultures. One of the most influential aspects of Evita’s life, that is important in both Filipino and American culture, is family. Evita stressed that her family held her roots and that they were all so close, even mentioning that most of her family members moved her into UMASS. The special bond that Evita shares with her family is evident in the first words she speaks about her family. Evita cherishes her family and knows the importance of that relationship in a person’s life. It is clear that she will always keep the role of family sacred, not only with her parents and her siblings now, but to her own family in future. Evita feels that the time she shared with her family on Sunday mornings is something that will shape her life forever. Evita explained that she had never slept in on a Sunday morning for as long as she can remember. A Catholic, Evita and her family recognized religion as an important aspect of their life. It was a time for Evita to spend time with her family even if it was just for an hour. Evita still visits church every Sunday morning, because it would not feel right otherwise. Her eagerness to continue something that her family did together illustrates the strong bond she shares with both her parents and her siblings. As soon as someone meets Evita is obvious that she is warm-hearted and caring something that is a result of being family-oriented. Evita’s warm personality makes her incredibly approachable to anyone which can be illustrated by her everyday actions--especially her community service. Although she was close to her entire family, Evita did point out that she felt the strongest connection to her mother. Evita’s strong bond with her mother influences the way she lives her life not only at home but at UMASS. Evita’s mother is an advocate for a charity organization in their native Philippines. Named, Gawad Kalinga, the organization’s goals parallel that of America’s Habitat for Humanity in that it builds houses for those less unfortunate in the Philippines. Evita talked of how she visited the country this past summer and of its life changing influence. It was the first time that Evita had ventured back to the Philippines after she had moved to America when she was just thirteen, and this time she went alone. During her month-long visit, Evita helped build some houses and explained the experience as one of the most moving in her life. This strong will to help others has followed her here to UMASS as she is now trying to arrange a student organization that benefits, Gawad Kalinga. Her efforts not only show her dedication but her determination to help others and humility in her own life. Her efforts also reveal that Evita is incredibly giving and grateful for what she has been given. When interviewing Evita it was clear that she understood that she is lucky to have a nice family and have the opportunity to get an education. Evita promises to be a person who is truly a product of her culture and her family. She is genuine, intelligent, and hard-working which are all things that encompass the personality of her family and culture. Evita is a prime example that someone’s past experiences, personal encounters, and the places they come from do influence and shape their personality in the future--and her personality proves it. She is open-minded because she is bicultural, humble because of her experiences working with Gawad Kalinga, and she is caring and warm-hearted as a result of her family-oriented childhood. All of these things affect of how acts and lives her life today and these personality qualities are clear when talking with Evita. Evita definitely fits the definition of “The Contexts That Make Me”, because she truly is a product of her past. The things she has learned from her family, her friends, her culture, and her community service in the Philippines will help Evita achieve every goal that she sets on her own terms.

Stephanie 13:04, 15 November 2007 (EST)

[edit] feedback: Lolly introduces Evita

Hiya Lolly, I'm curious, did you place your story second on purpose? :-) I could look at the time stamps to tell...the reason I ask is because, having read the other introduction of Evita first, it is hard to read yours with a completely fresh mind - even though I deliberately read other introductions first and came back to yours! I'll get to the specific details later, for now, I'm wondering if there are ways and places where you could show us the evidence supporting the contrast you make between first impressions of Evita and the depth you came to learn through interaction with her.

Steph^(talk) 08:41, 2 October 2007 (EDT) {Note: feedback is not grading!}

[edit] Below the Surface

To know her, you must know her history to truly understand. Sitting in her dorm this afternoon, Evita Florendo, a bright eyed, affable UMASS freshman {comma} told her story using the contexts of her life to explain how she developed into the person she is today. During the conversation, Evita revealed that while she may appear to be very innocent and soft spoken, she carries with her a story which is both distinctive and remarkable. {redundancies; hyphens; distant, observational, "reporter" voice - you tell us what she says about herself instead of telling us how/if you felt she appeared a certain way...}

Born in the Philippines on March 31, 1988, Evita traveled to the US when she was 13. Creating a life in another country produced the impression of an intimidating and culture shocking experience, but Evita lightheartedly remarked that it wasn’t too bad, just a bit of adjustment. She explained that in the Philippines, she attended an international school for two years, which facilitated her immersion into US culture.

Once arriving in the US, Evita’s family moved to Lexington. She described Lexington as a historical town into which she easily adapted. {because of the "historical" flavor?} There, she went to middle school and later attended Lexington High School. In a school of 3000 students, Evita surprisingly remarked that the population was not intimidating, even though high school is scary enough even without a large population. From there she went to UMASS, where she currently resides for her first year in the Sylvan dormitories.

While her business-minded parents run a painting and jewelry business, Evita admits that she would rather delve into a different career direction, perhaps nursing. {nice alliteration :-). I wonder about the choice of "admits" - does this give insight into her relationship with her parents?} On the top of her hobby list is a good book, notably Memoirs of a Geisha, {link} and choice episodes of “Friends” or “Top Chef.” {links} In regards to music, she wittily yet adamantly replied that she doesn’t like country. While all other types of music appeal to her, one of her favorite bands is the Dave Matthews Band, especially enjoying the song “Warehouse”. Interestingly enough, another hobby of Evita’s is globetrotting. She has traveled to Japan, China, Singapore and Thailand, her favorite location so far. She described that when she visited Thailand, they were having a “water holiday,” where everyone runs in the streets participating in a grand scale water fight. {How do all these details weave into her identity "below the surface"? What is "on" the surface, and what/why is what's "below" so interesting?}

At first, UMASS can be an intimidating place, but' to that Evita replied that the University “isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.” Due to UMASS’s reputation of extreme parties and chaotic congestion, she added that she assumed that it would be a lot crazier than how she is finding it. One aspect she didn’t like about UMASS is the food in the dining commons. Because of her Filipino culture, Evita explained that her family eats different types of food than what they' normally serve at the dining commons. A lot of the food is much heavier and greasier than her normal diet, but she is managing with what is available. A dilemma which has further decreased her food options is her inability to eat solid food. During the summer, Evita had jaw surgery to correct her under bite, which meant she had to be on a liquid diet. She admitted that it was painful, but she still can’t feel her jaw very well. She appeared optimistic and anticipates soon eating solid food, after enduring a wearisome process. Surgery and solid food aside, Evita seemed fairly content at her new life in college, and has high hopes for the future.

Her ability to adjust has been strengthened by her familiarity with traveling, experiencing new things, as well as the tight bond between her four siblings. She has three sisters at ages 25, 21 and 16 while her one brother is 28. In regards to her family, Evita noted that they are a lot of fun and they all get along really well. One of her sisters is currently finishing up school at Columbia University in New York City while her brother works as a DJ. While they are all on separate career paths, Evita noted that they all remain very close. {Is their "closeness" distinctive or generic? Which "below the surface" aspect of Evita does the closeness and bonding with her family inform or illuminate? What is the reason it makes sense to include this information?}

Overall, to know Evita is to understand how her experiences have shaped her as a person. While everyone has a story beyond their appearance, and Evita is an example of someone who carries with them a truly distinctive story. Her worldliness, her culture and her auspicious family life have helped mold her, but also the small, inconspicuous experiences such as her hobbies and her life choices have helped produce a friendly, unique character with a playful personality. {Strong conclusion; the questions I've asked above are nudges to develop your conclusions for the readers so we can also "see" these things for ourselves, rather than "only" accepting your word, does that make sense?} Lolly 16:49, 25 September 2007 (EDT)

[edit] chat

[edit] feedback: introducing Stephanie

Hi. I (finally!) posted bold and italicized feedback for you on Self Sufficient Stephanie. Steph^(talk) 21:55, 7 October 2007 (EDT)

[edit] your sneaky teacher

Hi Evita.  :-) How are you doing? What do you think of this class? When you answer me (on my usertalk page), be sure to use the cute little + tab so that you can create a "subject/heading" and title your comments. (Am I sneaky with making everything in this class have a purpose?!)

Steph^(talk) 09:32, 15 September 2007 (EDT)

[edit] using a subject

Wow. That was so cool! I read your title ("subject/headline") on my usertalk page and thought you were telling me that you hope to learn how to "use a subject" in your own writing! "Use" like an action, "subject" like a tool! When I came to your usertalk page to respond, I realized (?) that you were being more literal - just filling in the box....is that right? But look at the meaning generated?!!!!

Thanks for making my day.  :-)

Steph^(talk) 10:25, 18 September 2007 (EDT)

[edit] Magazine Categorization

Please see, read, and respond in the wiki! (Edit, add, and sign right under my question.)

Steph^(talk) 21:46, 11 November 2007 (EST)

evita, just a reminder, we are having a meeting today at 6 in learning center!!! WinMi 14:50, 19 November 2007 (EST)