Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

From UMassWiki

Fantastic! Both that class is becoming less intimidating and for selecting an intriguing username: I can read it several different ways, which leaves me wondering which meaning(s) you had in mind when you chose it. Can you explain?  :-)

Steph^(talk) 09:16, 15 September 2007 (EDT)

[edit] feedback: introducing Pasta sauce

Hi there ~ (I'm going to need to learn who you are in real life, minor matter of credit!) I've posted bold and italicized feedback for you on The Beat of His Life. Steph^(talk) 14:45, 7 October 2007 (EDT)

[edit] feedback: Odin introduces DefiniteMisses07

Alright Odin, here we go. Bold for grammar, italics for commentary.

This is quite the salespitch! Your representation comes through clearly and pleasurably. DefiniteMisses07's spirit is full of life! I am not sure, however, which of the five formats you selected? Your playfulness with words also leads you into a few contradictions.

Steph^(talk) 13:31, 8 October 2007 (EDT) {Note: feedback is not grading!}

[edit] The Life of the Party

There are people in our lives that bring happiness wherever they go. These are the people whose call you wait for, whose well-being you care for {comma?} and whose company you cherish. They aren’t conceited or selfish. They are outgoing and overflowing with life. I think Aciana Jones is one of these. I’ve never seen her angry or distraught. {implies you have known her for a long time?} Although she may stumble into class a little late, she stumbles in with a smile on her face.

She was born in Dorchester, a neighborhood of Boston not known for its kindness. She grew up with separated parents but although her mother and father weren’t together, they both surrounded her with love and care. She also grew up with two brothers and one sisters. Aciana’s family oriented background gave her a firm foundation for the school experience. In school {comma} she had a large group of friends and enjoyed class and group activities. {Could you move out of passive, past tense and into a more active voice? The past tense sets up a contrast with the present, which could imply that those things that were true then are no longer applicable...} She received good grades throughout her schooling eventually earning her an academic scholarship. Her natural analytic talent let her excel at math whereas the monotony of western history was an obstacle. Aciana engaged in track and cheerleading as well as participating in double-dutch. {huh?!} Her outgoing and amiable nature allowed her to transcend social cliques and make friends in numerous areas of the high school social spectrum. She says reveals that unlike many other kids, she was free from much of the drama and heartache normally associated with high school. In fact, Aciana says that high school was one of the best times of her life. The socializing and the friendly fellowship seem to have energized her. She took a very mature and realistic view to issues at school. She didn’t let things get to her. Why worry or complain about something when all you are doing is wasting time. There are more important things than who broke up with whom and what that other girl said. {Are these quotes?}

Aciana began college with the same perspective. When her intended college miscalculated her financial aid {comma} she shrugged it off and enrolled at UMass Amherst. Although she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to study, Aciana knows that she wants to work with people, whether they are adults or children. At the moment, she is leaning toward a career in either pediatrics or obstetrics. She says that she would love to be with a mother the moment she sees the first image of her baby. She is currently undeclared {redundant?} and using this time to complete her Gen Ed requirements. Although she is being very productive, Aciana feels like she is wasting time, something so against her instinctively hard-working nature. She feels that while high school was simply to endure the basics, college is for focusing on her interests and the beginning of directing her life. {something is missing here....a gap between productivity and "wasting time"} The intensity of the UMass community and the vibrancy of the social life are perfect for Aciana’s amiable personality. She has been thriving in this new environment with a whole new group of potential friends and new experiences. {these are unproductive? I am seeking your direct conclusions/summative statements that bring the title into sharp clarity...} She admits that she occasionally enjoys taking risks and living dangerously. {part of the "life" she embodies and - apparently? - emanates to others?} She feels the urge to skydive although she knows how hazardous it can be. She also yearns to travel abroad in Europe and across the globe.

Aciana is one of the most capable people I’ve ever met, with a firm foundation and equipped for any obstacle she might face. {use parallel construction} As she begins to live her life to the fullest I believe she will bring out the best in the people around her and everyone that knows her. {redundant? pick one or the other phrase....define what is "the best" or otherwise what "it" is that DefiniteMisses07 "brings out." Did she bring this out in you? Can we (readers) attribute your high praise precisely because of her influence on you? If you were working within one of the required formats, that might have pushed you to develop the connection between the title (which I intuit as appropo) and the evidence (which points but does not explicitly, exclusively, support).} Odin 17:06, 27 September 2007 (EDT)