Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.
User talk:Christine1105
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[edit] My essay format
I would like my biographer to use “Contexts that makes me ” this format to introduce me.
Contents |
[edit] chat
Hi. :-) I want to use your work in class on Thursday, will you let me? I am proud of the thinking in your writing. :-) I posted feedback for you, please go and read it: feedback: Christine1105 introduces WinMi. The part about your title is what I would like to share with the class: see grammar matters!. Let me know as soon as possible if you are concerned about this (I can always do something else, instead).
- Christine1105: please re-read what I wrote about using your essay! You did GREAT!!!! (See message, and links, above.) Thank you for permission. :-) I added your name to the Magazine Team list, yes - you are on the team, I simply did not remember your wikiusername when I set up that page.
[edit] feedback: QChen to Christine1105
Hi QChen, here I come with feedback on grammar in bold and other comments in italics. :-)
I am glad that you tell us this was your first interview experience. Interviewing is a common activity in US public education; you did very well with this culture-based mode of learning. Overall, you have presented us a good sense of Christine in comparison with yourself. This strategy is probably useful for an American audience that might otherwise be inclined a) to stereotype (based on previous images of Asians) or b) assume that Christine's experience is representative as a generalization for all Asians who immigrate to the US (obviously you see yourself as different, so the reader must, also). I do wonder which of the five formats you selected? Being clear about a framework might help you some of those additional aspects of Christine that you know are there.
- Steph(talk) 15:23, 11 October 2007 (EDT) {feedback is not grading!}
[edit] Qing Chen English 112
Christine Lee, she is my classmate from English 112. She is a freshman in college. Her major is undeclared. Christine is come from Hong Kong. She only has been to University of Massachusetts, Amherst for three weeks. Overall she likes the college a lot. Even though the college is new and huge for her, but she is looking forward to get into know more people in her first year here. From the conversation I interviewed her and she told me how much she misses Hong Kong. She misses the original place that she grows up. She is an outgoing friend, she loves to meet new people, which she wants to improve her second language, English.
Christine Lee’s High School experience really impressed me. First she only came to the United States for three years, and she needs to adjust and adapt to the American culture. {Time, timing, tense, and time sequencing are a constant source of challenge for second language users of English. There is a confusion here for the reader. The first paragraph gives the impression that Christine has only been in the US for three weeks, and then we learn she has been in the country for more than three years. The disconnect happens at a subtle level: expectation. You are specific that in naming UMass, Amherst, but because you also include the homesickness, these two ideas combine to convey the impression of recent arrival.} She hangs out with American and Asian so often, later she was being labeled as an Asian American, she was feeling more to adapt into American and Chinese cultures. Ultimately, she told me she felt she is having born in Hong Kong but feeling like an American. {Very interesting angle of self to explore!} Suddenly I realized that I was a quite typical Chinese girl who was conservative, shy! I remembered first couple years I came to America, I did not know anyone in my high school, and I did not try harder to talk to others. Everybody surrounded me were speaking English. One time, my English teacher asked me how to pronounce my name, and I tried so hard to speak out loud and said “Qing”, and then the teacher couldn’t hear it. But I heard the students around me kept saying “Qee-ing”. I felt so embarrassed at that time. From that time on, I tried so hard to say my name in a easy way. I also tried to hang out those high school friends. Later I realized I was a little shy Chinese girl! Christine’s experienced in high school really taught me a lesson; I should always try new stuff, that also can improve my knowledge of learning also the education of learning. {Here, the information about you takes us away from learning about Christine. By contrast, we understand she is proactive (diction?), but there might be ways you can tell us directly (using, for instance, an example from her own experience) instead of indirectly (through comparison with your difference)....does this make sense? Sticking to the required format you are using would help with this, too.}
Christine came to the United States also for the Education. She told me in Hong Kong, everyone is really competitive and hard working. Even in the high school, she needs to take at least more than seven subjects. In Chinese’s perspective, those Chinese people should be one of those stereotypical smart Asians who got perfect SAT scores. Most of Colleges in Hong Kong they required high GPA and High Ranks. But in Christine’s Perspective, she was more involved in other things as well. Her Unsatisfied graded in high school, but she never forgets there are more stuff interesting her. Back to the time I was in China’s middle school, I already needed to study a book in middle school. We also have homework everyday, and the worst thing was the teachers were really strict. Fortunately, I’ve moved to American since middle school. I know it is still so competitive in China, but I would rather prefer a good condition of education but less competitive. {How does Christine feel about the different levels of academic competition between the US and Hong Kong?}
In High School, Christine loves to swim and play piano a lot of time. She wants to become those swimming and piano teacher. She told me she was little stress out if she should try harder to reach her goals. It is because since she came to College, she felt so much stress more than in High school. She felt there is going to be so much works and so much reading to do. And I convinced her that since first time you applied for college, no matter how hard it is, you will try to do your best. After my suggestions, seem she released herself little bit. Now she is trying so hard to do her best to get into those chances to become a successful teacher. When I heard that I was so impressive of what she told me. And then I think she is like those stereotypical smart Asian girls who have a high expectation of them. No matter how much she pays out, she wants to reach her goal. {Funny, first you described yourself as "stereotypical" and now you describe Christine as "stereotypical" but for different reasons!}
Overall, I had a good time interview my classmates Christine Lee. That is also my first time interviewed a person and analyzing their life style. I bet there is more about Christine, but I think that is good enough for me to know! I am so glade she is my classmate and she is my friend too.
[edit] Feedback: Christine1105 introduces WinMi
Hi Christine1105, I love the title you gave for WinMi's introduction! You have done something quite creative, you challenge the reader to compare themself to WinMi. (By the end, I realize that you are also challenging yourself. So, the title tells us
about you (as you compare yourself with WinMi, about WinMi (as a person of courage, worth comparing oneself to), and about each reader (who is invited to make the comparison). Impressive! We do have to correct the grammar, though. I can imagine two possibilities:
"Are you daring?"
~ which puts the emphasis on the action/activity of doing things that involve risk and thus require courage or "Do you dare?" ~ which puts the emphasis on the person (the self) instead of the activity. After you decide where you want the emphasis (on the person - reader, writer, subject) or on the action (behaviors, attitudes, experiences), then we could play with how to give the title the most potential impact. For instance, if you decided to emphasize the person, then the title might be, "Would you dare?" (If we kept "do," that makes the timing imminent, puts the action in the present, as in right now....which is the sense of of "Are you dare" in which you might be asking yourself and other students to be like WinMi right now, in the class, in your lives, everywhere. IF you want to keep "Do" - and you could! - then you have to include in the writing more specific detail about how/why WinMi lives with such courage right now today. You must teach the readers what that kind of courage looks like in the every-day of college life.)
If, on the other hand, you wanted to emphasize the action/activity of being daring, then the title might become "Are you so daring?" or "Are you daring enough?" Each of these versions casts a slightly different emphasis. Are you "so" daring invites direct comparison with WinMi, e.g., would/could you do what she did? Are you daring "enough" allows more room for the reader to find equivalents and measure their own courage/risk-taking according to situations that are closer to the chances their own life experiences have afforded.
For the rest of the feedback, I'll insert bold for grammar (only some of it, you need to stay aware that I am not going to worry - for now! - about every single detail), and italics for additional commentary.
Steph(talk) 14:17, 8 October 2007 (EDT) {feedback is not grading!}
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