Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.
User talk:Ash
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[edit] feedback: Sshorr introduces Ash
Hello Sshorr, you know the drill, right? Bold are the grammatical errors and italics are my comments, questions, clarifications, etc. :-)
Ok, I get the "contexts" vibe, you followed Ash's recommendation and have jam-packed in all the things you learned about her. There is a formality to your writing style that lends itself to standard, biographical chronology. The main thing I wonder is if you could have spiced up her story some more? The information is solid, yet there is a sense that you're writing only what Ash told you; we have no read on whether you agree or disagree with her self-assessment. Not that you should judge her (as if she might be dishonest), but in your conversation with her did you detect the evidence of responsibility? Could you see how her five sisters inspire her? I'm also intrigued by the seeming contradiction or conflict about living in a stereotyped area and resisting it - I'll insert a comment below on that one while I think about it a bit more. My gut sense is you could have expanded on the conflict or competition between contexts, instead of presenting Ash's choice as so individual (which goes somewhat against the grain of this particular format).
- Steph(talk) 19:54, 29 September 2007 (EDT) {Note: feedback is not grading!}
[edit] The Origin of Personality
There are many events that have happened in Ashley’s life that shaped her personality and have created the wonderful person she is today. Ashley was born on April 10, 1989 in sunny West Palm Beach, Florida where she enjoyed long walks on the beach and late night bon fires. {Can you give us the quality of these experiences from her eyes, ears, etc as a child?} Eight years later, in 1997, she moved to Westford, Massachusetts where she has lived ever sense. She has 5 younger sisters Alexsis (16), Chelsey (14), Megan (12), Lauren (10), and Samantha (9). After moving to Massachusetts Ashley took up horseback riding were she competed in dressage and snow-jumping competitions. She also played field hockey, swimming, and volleyball in high school showing off her athletic abilities. After all of her schoolwork, sports, and taking care of her siblings Ashley somehow finds time to work at Abercrombie & Fitch. Living in Westford, Massachusetts was hard for Ashley because it’s a small town where everyone knows who everyone else is. She has the girl next door vibe to her personality but sadly her town is thought of by surrounding towns as being the “preppy rich kid town”. This caused her to become more focused on her studies and athletics, while also being able to enjoy the more simple things in life that maybe a girl living in a big city could not experience opposed to a small town.
{The following is where the introduction feels like it actually "begins" - up 'til now has felt more like background information. Do we, the audience, need to know all of those details?}
'To get a sense of' who Ashley really is one needs to look into the source of where her personality traits originated. Growing up she struggled with the everyday conflict of having five siblings, never fully appreciating the importance they had on who she is as a person today. It took Ashley 17 years to realize what an extraordinary impact they had on her life, teaching her responsibility, patience, and the value of family.
A sense of responsibility is not a trait given at birth, responsibility is gained through experience. Ashley was fortunate enough to learn the quality of responsibility at a very young age, which all began when she would help her mother change her sisters’ diapers and prepare their bottles. Being the oldest meant babysitting late on Friday and Saturday nights, but Ashley did not complain because she knew her parents needed her. Her parents needed her most when tragedy suddenly struck her family. When Ashley had 4 younger sisters, her mom became pregnant with twins. Sadly they were prematurely born and one of the twins did not make it. Ashley was too young at the time to fully understand what went on and she also had the joy of having another younger sister to get the heartbreak off of her mind. {This info, while poignant, seems out-of-keeping with the rest, perhaps because you don't tie it back into the themes of responsiblity, patience, value of family? There are some assumptions you are leaving to the reader to fill in; the intro would be more powerful if you gave us more clearly your view of how these elements - as "contexts" - all work together to "make" Ashley.}
“Patience is a virtue”; this saying was repeated by Ashley’s grandmother throughout her childhood, and one she lives her life by. Growing up with five siblings allowed her to observe the very different personalities each of her sisters possesses. She learned to tolerate their different necessities and demands, thus allowing her to patiently address their needs. {It might give us more of a sense of the "how" of Ashley if we had an example...for instance, what did she have to do/not do in order to "learn tolerance"?} The value of patience had enabled her to approach a situation with a level head, meaning that she is able to analyze a situation in a mature and realistic fashion. For example, one day while working by herself, two cars crashed into each other in front of the store, but she was able to stay calm while running outside to check the victims. Both cars were heavily damaged, but thankfully no one was seriously hurt. She ran back into the store and immediately called the police for help. Through she had just witnessed a traumatic event, Ashley was able to handle the situation in a calm and mature fashion. {This is a great example.} She is able to overcome obstacles and deal with everyday circumstances just as she was able to while growing up with five younger sisters. {How many three themes are going - patience, responsibility, maturity... and one context - family...I'm wondering if you could open with a statement about the relationship among these things so that as readers, we get an immediate feel for what makes Ashley interesting?}
Having so many members of her family and being so close with all of them has made Ashley appreciate what she has. She realized that not many people are blessed to have five sisters all of whom look up to her and think of her as a role model. Her strong sense of family value has made her a well-rounded person in all facets of life. When asked who she thought she would have said the most influential person was in her life five years ago Ashley said she would have answered with a famous movie star or athlete. Today she is not able to answer that question with one person, the most influential people in her life are Alexsis, Chelsey, Megan, Lauren, and Samantha. {This might be a way to draw in readers? As a hook at the beginning?}
It is funny how you can look back into experiences people have had in the past and relate those to the personality traits they have today. {ah, but you do not share any of the humor with us!} Ashley’s best traits are responsibility, patience, and her value for her family, which are all due to the way she grew up. The best way to get a sense of who Ashley truly is, is not by giving an overview of her life and accomplishments, but by finding the source of how she has become who she is today. {Look! Here at the end you tell us - or perhaps yourself?!! - that the 'overview' is not the way to go, instead, "finding the source"...I'd say you have named the factors or evidence but not yet articulated how the context (of family, although you could more with the context of the supposedly preppy neighborhood) interact/s to generate the Ashley we have with us in class.}
Sshorr 16:03, 25 September 2007 (EDT)
[edit] chat
Did you get your nose pierced? You are braver than me. Well, mostly I don't want to be bothered with having to decide what to wear in it everyday. I like jewelry, but the burden of fashion is already such a stretch for me. Why complicate my life further? :-)
[edit] Done deal!
Wow! I'm impressed. :-) How are people responding? Does it still hurt? I got a tattoo last year - that was intense.
Hey, don't forget to "sign" your messages with those four tildas. (I had to track you down!)
- People are funny with changes in appearance - you'd think they know a piece of jewelry doesn't by itself change you or your relationships, but then....interactions do change, don't they? A new topic of conversation, who approves/disapproves, moral judgments, wow - and depending on this your relationships can change...so, no, in and of itself the piercing is not a big deal, but it could become "a big message" if people keep talking about it as if ...
- I put the link in to a blog post entry about my tattoo. It did hurt. It's also more private (even though people can find about it) because it is not usually visible (unless I'm wearing a swimming suit or other kind of top that shows more of my back). This limits the reactions I get to it.
[edit] Wikiteam
Remember we meet after class today; go read this if you can and follow the links! Steph(talk) 15:22, 23 October 2007 (EDT)
[edit] notes and more notes
Hopefully you have already read the notes I posted from our meeting last Tuesday, and have been diligently thinking about how to put your/our ideas into action. Marco's schematic is terrific, but let's give it a round of scrutiny/revision before we plunge headlong into? Although it might be that plunging is the best option and we adapt as we encounter obstacles. We've also got to do some research to see what is actually possible within the confines of the UMassWiki structure. I did forward the files Marco constructed on to ElR6 to see if he thinks the coding for such a template is do-able. I also answered the questions ElR6 had asked me prior to our first meeting. Check 'em out! Steph(talk) 12:48, 28 October 2007 (EDT)
[edit] Elarsix contributes...
cool and useful info! Steph(talk) 13:19, 8 November 2007 (EST)
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