Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

From UMassWiki

[edit] Are you dare ???

United States is the wonderland for all the immigrants, everyone dreams of moving into this country. However, can you imagine the difficulties of living in the environment that you are not familiar with? Will you be brave enough to challenge yourself? Wing Liang, a girl who was born in China, came to United States with her family five years ago. Without knowing anyone in here, she experienced unexpected difficulties. The harshest thing for her to adapt is the extreme weather in Boston. Though these experiences, she has become a mature and independent young lady.

When Wing first came to Boston, she entered Braintree High School as a sophomore. However, Wing is only strong in Mathematics and Physics. She did not know how to speak English, so she worked hard in improving her language skills. She tried to make friends and played with Americans. Her language skills improved a lot at that time. Furthermore, she loves drawing so much and she always dreams of becoming an artist one day. Wing had an unforgettable memory when she was in her high school. One day when she was hanging out with her friends, one of her friend had to leave there earlier and Wing decided to leave with her. She asked her friend about how to take bus back to Boston but her friend showed her the wrong way. At last she got off at Malden; she started to cry because she was not familiar with environment in there yet. Luckily, there was a nice man who taught her how to take subway. After this horrible experience, Wing swore that she would never take bus again. She prefers to take subway instead of taking bus because she feels unsafe when she takes bus after this incident.

Wing worked at McDonalds two years ago and met so many friends in there. Because of her hard work, she becomes a store manager and she is responsible for holding the key. She does not want to quit her job even though she is studying in Amherst because her working schedule is flexible for her and she enjoys communicate with her customers. Wing remember that last Saturday was a hard day for her because she and her co-workers had to make five hundreds hamburgers in three hours. She thought that she could almost break the world record of making burgers within that short period of time. Wing likes to work at McDonalds because McDonalds makes her felt like she is working in a big family. Because of this reason, she choose to stay in McDonalds before she can get a job in Amherst. She also said that, she cannot imagine what will she feel after leaving McDonalds as she has worked in there for two years already. On the other hand, she thought she can get used to it very soon. The reason for her to get over it is easy to answer: Wing is always brave enough to accept challenges.

Wing loves to hang out with friend, listen to the music and to sing karaoke during her free time. She also loves to eat junk food except cup noodles. She always thinks that instant noodles are not good for health; it is the worst junk food in the world. She prefers cooking by herself. She thinks that if she just keeps on eating but not doing exercise. She will get into a big trouble. That is the reason why she loves playing sports. She is a sporty girl as she prefers to wear jeans instead of wearing skirt. She loves to play all the sports. She is a well-planning girl because she put everything in order and she always tidies up her room.

Wing loves her family so much. She enjoys spending time with them every day. She has a lovely younger brother called Jason who is learning how to speak Cantonese. Jason was born in United States and recently, he gets confused in speaking English and Cantonese. Wing misses her little brother so much when she is in her dorm room. In order to express her feeling, she put her family picture on the top of her desk. There was a big change to Wing in last summer because she met her new boyfriend. They were elementary schoolmate and they soon fall in love when Wing went back to China in June. They talked to each other on phone everyday and they are such a sweet couple in the world. To me, it is really hard to keep a long distance relationship and I know that this relationship is a big challenge to Wing. However, Wing dared to tell me that her boyfriend is the one who loves her most and they may get married in the future. I believe both Wing and her boyfriend can keep this relationship because they love each other very much. When I’m wondering that where those sources of confidences comes from, Wing answers me with a confidence smile, “My boyfriend’s mother likes me and I believe that if the couple really love each other, their love can stay forever even though they may live in the different place.”To be honestly, I trust Wing because as a girl like Wing, she is willing to accept the challenge with all of her courage (mostly is came from her boyfriend and her “never give up” characteristic.)

Wing is a freshman in University of Massachusetts Amherst. She is majoring in Architecture and Mathematics. To her, life is boring in Umass but she feels happy to live with her roommate. She thinks that boredom is also a challenge for her. She counts everything as a stimulus, a stimulus that makes her grow up. Her roommate likes her very much because Wing always cooks for her. She goes back to Boston every weekend and sometimes, she travels around Amherst and Holyoke with her roommate. She is an energetic girl and looking forward to meet more new friends at Umass.

--Christine1105 20:30, 11 December 2007 (EDT)

[edit] Wing is Flying

Upon first glance the statement did not intrigue us at all. It seemed as though there was nothing to work with and it was mere nonsense. After a few mintues of analyzing and discussing the statement we were deeply involved and intrigued. Its open-endedness that initially turned us away from the quote allowed us to create our own interpretation of a story around it. We were able to draw lots of details and connections from the text some of which were...

• Wing is a proper noun (most likely a male)
• the repetition of "flying" is meant to grab your attention and focus on the positive connotations of flying
• Flight is used as a metaphor for positive experiences, success and potential for success(wing). The act of flying is thought of as positive, uplifting, symbolizes attaining goals and ambitions.
• The name Wing implies potential for success

After analysis we created a story attached to the statement. We see Wing as a boy who has endured tough times and over come his adversities, reaching success. the author seems to be a family member or someone who is admiring his determination and success. Wing realizes his potential after this life-changing experience and "flies" or rises above his problems.

Sabrina and Melody

[edit] Death and Peace

To all the members of United Nations General Assembly,

When opening a newspaper, or turning on the television, or even though type in “war” in Google search, the very first thing pops into our eyes is about the war in Iraq, because all the American people care about the war. All of them want to know are there any more soldiers die in the war; how many soldiers died; or did the United States’ soldiers attack any Iraqian military used missiles. But how many Americans care about the people in Iraq? Do the Americans know that how do lives in Iraq look like right now; how many Iraq civilians die in the war up-to-day; or how do the deaths’ families do after missing one or couple of their relative? Most American people are only focusing on when the Iraq War will be end; when will the American troop come back; or what they can do to end the war. The lives of the United States soldiers are important, but those people in Iraq are important, too. The numbers of death of the United States soldiers are large, but the amounts of people in Iraq are much larger, and that is huge. But in human’s history, the death civilians are only having numbers to represent their deaths to the world, to history, to their contribution. Civilians’ deaths are not non-meaningful; their lives are worthy.

Many people in the world always call for “Love and Peace”. Historically, there were huge amounts of people die in different wars in different countries and different periods in the world. Since the technologies of weapons are increasing, the weapons can protect many soldiers’ life, which allow soldiers focusing on the battles and do not need to worry too much about their safety problems. Due to mobility and firepower, modern wars are bloodier than wars from prior eras. World War II deaths were huge by any measure. The total estimated human loss of life caused by World War II was approximately 72 million people. The Allies lost about 61 million people, and the Axis lost 11 million. The civilian toll was around 47 million, including 20 million deaths due to war related famine and disease. The military toll was about 25 million, including the deaths of about 5 million prisoners of war in captivity. The deaths of civilians are more than twice as many as the deaths of soldiers.

In many other media or other resources, the deaths of soldiers are more focusing on. For example, there is an exact number of the United States soldiers died for the Korean War, there are 33,741 of the United States soldiers died, approximately 1% of overall death tolls. For the Vietnam War—58,196, not even amount 2% of the death tolls. Or the up-to-date war in Iraq, media can give out an exact number of the United States military died—3,883, and which about 5% of over deaths. But the statistic is only approximate the deaths of civilians in the wars, which using much smaller numbers which can hide the real fact in the history.

In the other resource shows that about 2.5 million to 3.5 million civilians died in Korean War. But the exact total numbers of casualties suffered by all parties involved may never be known. The Western numbers of Chinese and North Korean casulties are based primarily on battle reports of estimated casualties. The Chinese estimation of UN casualties states "The after-war joint declaration of the Chinese People's Volunteers and the Korean People's Army claimed that they 'eliminated 1.09 million enemy forces, including 390,000 from the United States, 660,000 from South Korean, and 29,000 from other countries.' The vague 'eliminated' number gave no details to that of dead, wounded and captured." This same source concluded with these numbers for North Korean casualties, "The Korean People's Army had 290,000 casualties and 90,000 POWs. There were a large number of civilian deaths in the northern part of Korea, but no accurate figures were available."

The resouces from Wikipedia shows that about 2.3 million to 3.8 million civilians died in the Vietnam War. But documents declassified by the Vietnamese government in 1995 revealed that 5.1 million people died during the Hanoi's conflict with the United States. Four million civilians died in the North and South. Total military casualties were put at 1.1 million and 600,000 wounded. Hanoi concealed the figures during the war to avoid demoralizing the population.

Up to the most modern war which is still going on in Iraq, the numbers of death civilians are not comfortable under the high technological society. The United States government can only be estimated the number is between 76,701 and 83,571. The United States always emphasize that they just attack terrorism in Iraq. But the United States’ “targets” were only non-military: educational institutions, journalists and media, Non-Governmental Organization, private citizens and property, religious figures and institutions and tourists. Only 2006, there were almost 5,500 “terrorists” died.

Memorial parks, memorial halls, and memorial walls are always and only for the United States soldiers. People believe that these dead soldiers are heroes, who have given out their lives to get peace for the Unites States. But while all Americans memorize the United States military and pray for them, do they do the same thing to those deaths civil for the wars? The death people in war are worthy. They use their lives to get peace also. But they seem totally missing in the history; they only have a couple digits of numbers to represent them. Constitution says, “Men and women are created equal”, so everybody in the world should have the same humanistic. Even though these civil did not fight in the war, but should they at least have a memorial hall? Or should they at least have some of their names up on the memorial walls which will be offered by their families?

In China, there is a Nanjing Massacre Memorial Hall in the city of Nanjing. The Memorial Hall of the Victims of the Nanjing Massacre is located on one of the sites where actual human bones from the victims themselves were excavated. It is the biggest official memorial place of the Nanjing Massacre, also known as "The Rape of Nanjing". It started on December 13, 1937, when the capital of China, Nanjing, fell to the Imperial Japanese Army; Japanese army committed numerous atrocities, such as rape, looting, arson and the execution of prisoners of war and civilians (Wikipedia). It cost 300,000 civilians Nanjing died, which is about the whole population of Nanjing.

The Memorial Hall holds museum status and is the first museum in China commemorating the War of Resistance against Japan from 1937 to 1945. Upon entering the hall, visitors will see a big bell with an inscription urging people not to forget history. Further along inside, a path of bronze footprints representing 222 witnesses of the tragedy stretches in front of visitors. A building named "wan ren keng", which means pit of ten thousand corpses, houses the skeletons excavated at Jiangdong Gate. The Memorial Hall is not only for memorizing the victims who died in the massacre, but also for educating and urging people that not to forget history, and not repeating history. In its most apocalyptic sense, death denotes a state of complete and final harmony, an end to conflict not only within the human race but between humanity and the natural world. Many countries and organizations realize the important of peace, so there are many peace movements around the world. They seek to achieve ideals such as the ending of all wars, minimize inter-human violence in a particular place or type of situation, often linked to the goal of achieving world peace. The movement is primarily characterized by a belief that humans should not wage war on each other or engage in violent ethnic conflicts over language, race or natural resources or ethical conflict over religion or ideology. Long-term opponents of war preparations are primarily characterized by a belief that military power is not the equivalent of justice.

There is a wide spectrum of views about whether, or when, violence and war are necessary or justifiable. Mahatma Gandhi's conception of peace was not as an end, but as a means: "There is no way to peace; peace is the way." By envisioning peace as a process, and as self-fulfilling, Gandhi's moral philosophy circumvents some of the traditional issues of historical nonviolent moral doctrine.

But why did the United States decide to go to wars? Are wars the only way to solve for political problems? Were wars good for economy? One of the more enduring myths in Western society is that wars are somehow good for the economy, which changes people’s minds about wars are only about political problems. This faulty belief stems from a misunderstanding of the economic way of thinking. When the country decides to prepare for war, the government needs to equip its soldiers with the extra gear and munitions needed in order to win the war.

A microeconomist and professor, Mike Moffatt, says that, “Corporations win contracts to supply boots, and bombs and vehicles to the army. Many of these companies will have to hire extra workers in order to meet this increased production. If the preparations for war are large enough, large numbers of workers will be hired reducing the unemployment rate. Other workers may need to be hired to cover reservists in private sector jobs who get sent overseas. With the unemployment rate down we have more people spending again and people who had jobs before will be less worried about losing their job in the future so they'll spend more than they did. This extra spending will help the retail sector, who will need to hire extra employees causing unemployment to drop even further. A spiral of positive economic activity is created by the government preparing for war, if you believe the story. The flawed logic of the story is an example of something economists call The Broken Window Fallacy” (“Are Wars Good for the Economy?”). War is widely thought to be linked to economic good times.

The Second World War is often said to have brought the world out of depression, and war has since enhanced its reputation as a spur to economic growth (“The Myth of the War Economy”). An economic professor of Columbia University mentions that, “The Second World War called for total mobilization, requiring a country’s total resources, and that is what wiped out unemployment. Total war means total employment.” During World War II, six million women worked in the manufacturing plants that produced munitions and materiel. These women took the places of the male workers who were absent fighting in the war. This change was known as Rosie the Riveter. According to the Encyclopedia of American Economic History, the "Rosie the Riveter" movement increased the number of working American women to 20 million by 1944, a 57% increase from 1940. Conditions were sometimes very poor and pay was not always equal—the average man working in a wartime plant was paid $54.65 per week, while women were paid $31.21 per week. Nonetheless, women quickly responded to Rosie the Riveter, who convinced them they had a patriotic duty to enter the workforce. Some claim that she forever opened up the work force for women, but others dispute that point, noting that many women were discharged after the war and their jobs given to returning servicemen.

Professor Moffatt also mentions that, “If peace can somehow be established in the Middle East, the U.S. government might not have to spend as much money on the military as they do now. If the economies of the countries in the Middle East become more stable and experience growth, this will give them more opportunities to trade with the United States, improving both the economies of those countries and the U.S.” According from Professor Moffatt says the Iraq War is caused by the decreasing of American economy, and the increasing needs of oil. But the Gulf War of 1991 demonstrated that wars can actually be bad for an economy.

Today, we know that this is nonsense. During the peace time, like the period between 1992 and 2000, the United States’ economy was far better than war. At that time, the United States enjoying the high employment, many people own their houses, and they have extra money to go for many different things. Peace can bring up the economy, and peace can spread out love. We should stop the war in Iraq, and we should use a different way to bring up our economy.

The Americans are worried about the decreasing economy of the United States now. People do not wish to spend extra money on food, clothes, and oil, so they stop going to restaurants, buy fewer clothes, and staying home during vacation instead traveling, in order to save up more money. If the business may develop the other new economy like it does in the late twentieth century, people will be please to spend money on them. People are more and more care about their health; if the food companies may produce more nutrition food and carbohydrate food, people may be willing to take the money from their pockets. People are always seeking new high technologies in this age. The United States has the highest technological skills in the world; it should not waist this gift. Like iPhone, iPod, PSP, Wii, and many other new technological products from Microsoft, are very popular in the United States. The Americans are spending most their money in these products. If these companies or other new companies may explore these technological items more and be selling them to the world market, they can bring in more profit to the United States economy.

Wars cannot solve the problems of economy; wars will only hurt the relationship between each country, making the tension more strictly. Instead, offering more amounts of oil and lowing the global oil prices are the best ways to bomb up the economy of the United States. Since people have more free money, they will spend more in the other products.

Thanks,

Wing Liang

Bibliographies:

1. “War.” Wikipedia. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Nov. 6th, 2007 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War#List_of_wars_by_death_toll>.

2. “Peace.” Wikipedia. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Nov. 6th, 2007 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace>.

3. “Which war claimed the most lives?” Wiki Answers. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Nov. 6th, 2007 <http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Which_war_claimed_the_most_lives>.

4. Moffatt, Mike. “Are Wars Good For the Economy?—The Myth.” About.com. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Nov. 6th, 2007 <http://economics.about.com/od/warandtheeconomy/a/warsandeconomy.htm>.

5. A Knight in Dragonland. “I Sure Feel Safer.” Online posting. Apr. 30, 2007. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Nov. 12th, 2007 <http://knightindragonland.blogpeoria.com/2007/04/30/i-sure-feel-safer>.

6. “Iraq Coalition Casualty Count.” Icasualties.org. Dec. 5th, 2007. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Dec. 6th, 2007 <http://icasualties.org/oif/>.

7. Stiglitz, Joseph. “The Myth of the War Economy”. The Guardian. January 22nd, 2003. University of Massachusetts Amherst. Dec. 6th, 2007 < http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0,2763,879652,00.html>.

[edit] Art Objects

It was a snowy Christmas in Amsterdam. The streets were quiet. Everyone was staying home and celebrating Christmas. I was alone, but enjoying the quietness in Amsterdam. I walked into a bookshop and saw Jeanette Winterson, who is a great writer who understands art very well. She was reading a book, and I was so exciting to see her, so I went up immediately and asked her whether or not willing to have a drink with me. Surprisely, she agreed with my request.

We went into the cafe which next to the bookshop. After settled down, Ms. Winterson ordered a cup of cappuccino, and I ordered a cup of Green Tea Latte. Then, I started the conversation.

“Are you traveling around?”

“Oh, yes. I spent some days here already, and I had intended to leave Amsterdam tomorrow. I changed my plans, and sleeping fitfully, rising early, queued to get into the Rijksmuseum, into the Van Gogh Museum, spending every afternoon at any private galleries I could find, and every evening, reading, reading, reading.”

“Wow, I can tell that you love reading a lot.”

“True, true, true. Books are my power. I can’t live without books.”

I nodded. I pointed to the book which Ms. Winterson placed on the table. “The painting looks wonderful. Is the painting famous?”

“Yes! Think of all the people who have carefully spared one minute of their lives to stand in front of it” Ms. Winterson answered. “It’s by Roger Fry, one of my favor artists and critics. He was from England; he became an advocate of more recent developments in French painting, to which he gave the name Post-Impressionism.”

I asked, “Is the painting of the cover Authority? Does the guide-book tell us that it is part of The Canon?”

Ms. Winterson said, “If Yes, then half of the viewers will admire it on principle, while the other half will dismiss it on principle. When the sense of familiarity becomes too great, history, popularity, association, all crowds in between the viewer and the picture and blocks it out. Not only pictures suffer like this, all the suffer like this.”

Ms. Winterson continued, “I have to work for art if I want art to work on me. Experiencing paintings as moving pictures, out of context, disconnected, jostled, over-literary, with their endless accompanying explanations, over-crowded, one against the other, room on room, does not make it easy to fall in love. Love takes time.”

“Oh! So art is a foreign language, you need to learn how to speak it before you understand it. This means you need to fall in love with art, so you will understand what the work is about, and it can pleasure you” I said.

“Correct. When was the last time you looked at anything, solely, and concentratedly, and for its own sake? Ordinary life passes in a near blur. If we go to the theatre or the cinema, the images before us change constantly, and there is the distraction of language. Our loved ones are so well known to us that there is no need to look at them, and one of the gentle jokes of married life is that we do not. Nevertheless, here is a painting and we have agreed to look at it for one hour. We find we are not very good at looking.”

Then, I asked, “How to tell an art work is good or not?”

“Well, if you are wishing to take out money from your pocket to purchasing the work, then the work is valuable and worthy. That is one reason why the calling of the artist, in any medium, is to make it new. The true artist is connected. The true artist studies the past, not as a copyist or a pasticheur will study the past, those people are interested only in the final product, the art object, signed sealed and delivered to a public drugged on reproduction. The true artist is interested in the art object as an art process, the thing in being, the being of the thing, the struggle, the excitement, the energy, that have found expression in a particular way. The true artist is after the problem. The false artist wants it solved by somebody else.”

She paused for a second, and continued, “If the true artist is connected, then he or she has much to give us because it is connection that we seek. Connection to the past, to one another, to the physical world, still compelling, in spite of the ravages of technology. A picture, a book, a piece of music, can remind me of feelings, thinkings, I did not even know I had forgot. Whether art tunnels deep under consciousness or whether it causes out of its own invention, reciprocal inventions that we then call memory, I do not know. I do know that the process of art is a series of jolts, or perhaps I mean volts, for art is an extraordinarily faithful transmitter. Our job is to keep our receiving equipment in good working order.”

“So, you mean the true artist does not need to be famous, if he or she can create new style of art, then he or she will be succeeding, and the new idea of art is easier to let viewers remember of the works.”

“Right. Art cannot be tamed, although our responses to it can be, and in relation to The Canon, our responses are conditioned from the moment we start school. The freshness which the everyday regular man or woman pride themselves upon; the untaught ‘I know what I like’ approach, now encouraged by the media, is neither fresh nor untaught. It is the half-baked sterility of the classroom washed down with liberal doses of popular culture. I am sure that if as a society we took art seriously, not as mere decoration or entertainment, but as a living spirit, we should very soon learn what is art and what is not art.”

I sank into deep thinking. Before the conversation with Ms. Winterson, I felt that I understand how to look at an art work. But after the conversation, I found that I should learn how to fall in love with the art object before I can say that I understand it.

After finished her cappuccino, Ms. Winterson excused leaving. Looking at her shadow, I felt that I have an important lesson which I would never learn from any courses in school.

[edit] My First Reflection Letter

In the introduction essay which I wrote for my classmate, I realized that I have a good title and good idea for the essay, but I still did not create an essay to what I expect, instead explaining all the facts and events of my classmate, and which in plain language.

What makes a writer to do a good job on his or her writings? I think that a good writer should explain his or her thought really well on words or paper. He or she should include all the excellent vocabulary on his or her writing. And also, he or she should make the point which the audiences agree with. Am I a good writer? Actually, I think is not. Based on my personality, I am not good at explaining myself at all. When I try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I do not know how to start my explanations, and how to put my thoughts into words. I believe that is my biggest obstacle in my writing. To change this fact, I know I should communicate with my friends, my inductors, my co-workers, and anyone who are able to let me practice more than I used to. And also, I should pay more attentions than before in social conversation. The second fact is I always have good ideas for my writings, but I am not good at expanding my ideas to a farther step. For example, in the introduction essay which I wrote for my classmate, I realized that I have a good title and good idea for the essay, but I still did not create an essay to what I expect, instead explaining all the facts and events of my classmate, and which in plain language. That assignment really makes me feel apologize to my classmate. The other fact that makes me feel I am not a good writer is because I am an immigrant; when I write, I have a lot of grammar errors. In the past five years, I always try to learn how to correct my grammar errors. But as time passing, my writings are still including a lot of small grammar problems. And also, I felt that I do not have enough vocabulary to build up a good essay. In order to improve this problem, I keep to read books and to memorize more vocabulary. I hope that all of these actions can help me to improve my writing.

[edit] Second Reflection Letter

Continue to Work

"I am happy to have this improvement in a short period. But I know that I should continue to work on my organization of writing. Because I am just getting the idea of how to organize my writing, I still need time to practice it. The more I practice, the better essays that I can write."

In my first reflection paper, I talked about most of my essays have great ideas and themes, but I have problems to develop up my ideas and how to explain my thoughts. As more I learned in my college writing class, and the more conversations with my introducer and peers, I start to understand which direction that I should focus on, and how to narrow down my thoughts.

I am working on my research paper right now. I believe that I get a very interesting topic which is about war. But the topic of war is so wide, I do not know how much information that I want to put into my paper. The only thing that I know is I want the section of death doll of wars in my paper, because I try to use some of those example to spread out the idea of Love and Peace. I want to use the statistic of the amount of deaths in the wars to tell people that how do wars affect the world, and the people, and the families. So, in the first draft, I put in almost everything of resources from the web searching into my paper. For example, I have talked about different causes of wars, have talked about the death doll in the wars, and have talked about how to avoid the happenings of wars.

As I working on it, I learned how to organize and narrow down my thoughts and ideas. My introducer, Steph, pairs me up with one of my classmate, to let us talk about our topic with each other. My classmate thinks that my idea of war is too wide, too much things that I can write. So she suggests me just focusing on one topic. She thinks that if I can focus on the death doll in different wars, in different countries, or in different period, and then spread out my idea of Love and Peace, that will be more powerful. I find that suggestion should work much better. Then, Steph gives me an idea of an argument for my research. She thinks that most statistics of deaths in wars are about soldiers, but the citizens are left out. She suggests me put in the argument about why the statistics are about dead soldiers; why people support war, is it because the economy, or is it because they hate other people or other religion. So, in my second draft of my research paper, I am only focusing on the death doll, and exploring why people only care about the death of solders but not the death of citizens which have larger amounts. I feel the second draft is much more organized and much more focusing. I feel like that my writing has improved.

I am happy to have this improvement in a short period. But I know that I should continue to work on my organization of writing. Because I am just getting the idea of how to organize my writing, I still need time to practice it. The more I practice, the better essays that I can write.

[edit] Third Reflection Letter

"Writing is all about brainstorming and editing. The more editing put in, the better the writing will come out. "

In my last two reflection papers, I talked about the improvement of my writing skills. At the very beginning of the semester, I felt that my writing is not qualify to the college writing, which should be explaining all the meaning deeply and all the details carefully. After three months studying in my English writing class, I found my skills of writing has improved. Especially, after working on the research paper which includes numerous editing, I found the strategies of writing.

Writing is all about brainstorming and editing. The more editing put in, the better the writing will come out. For example, in my first draft of my research paper, I put in many different ideas about wars: the reasons to start wars, the death toll in the wars, and the avoidance of wars. Before I start writing the second draft, I realized that my thought is too wide; I should focus in one main topic of war. I found that the world is focused on the soldiers’ death, but the civilians’ deaths are ignored, and I felt that I should speak up for them. So, in the second draft, I researched the statistic to show the huge amount of death tolls in many different wars in history. And then I compare the actually differences between the death of soldiers and civilians. In the third draft, I wanted to get more attentions from the United States society, so I tried to focus on the wars which the United States has involved. So I focused on the five major wars which the most American soldiers and civilians died. I showed the reasons why the public feel proud of the soldiers, but ignore civilians.

From these processes, I learned how to step-to-step to improve my paper. From the beginning, I can bring out many different ideas from many different areas. Then, I shall learn how to pick the most powerful topic to focus on. After I find the focal point, I need to research for the most interesting fields about the topic. Finally, I can edit the writing for the final version.

Right now, I spend most of my energies in magazine team. Working on this group project, I use the strategies which I learned from the process of writing. Because I find that the processes between writing and project are very similar, I need many changes and editing, in order to produce the final products.

[edit] The Final Reflection Letter

Every object has connection with the others. For example, the junior writing classes and freshman writing classes seemed like having nothing common with each other; one is learning to write for its major, and the other is learning to write for the college classes.

Before taking the college writing class, I felt that must be very boring, which would just write for every class. But after taking the Section 36 writing class, I found that writing is not only about the writing skills, but also about the communication, the reinforcement, and the connection.

In our first day of class, we did not talk about our syllabus, or did not talk about what books we need for the course, or did not talk about the rules for the class. At the very beginning of the class, we introduced ourselves to the other classmates, and talk about the meaning of writing. Our instructor, Steph, let us know the writing is about communication. The first paper for the course was about an introduction of one classmate. We had to communicate, or had an interview with the classmates before we can write the paper. We always partnered up or grouped up with each other to have feedback and suggestions about our writings, which is the other communicative way to improve our writing. Writing is not only from writer’s brain, is about communication.

The most important knowledge that I learned in this course is I know how to brainstorm my essay topic during editing. In the first draft of my writing, I usually came up great ideas, but I did not write deeply enough to explain all the concepts. In the second draft, I could find out the main theme which I want to emphasize in. So, my ideas were narrow down, and I wrote much detailer than the first draft. Once, I got comments and feedbacks from my peers and instructor after the second draft; these suggestions could always reinforce me to figure out new ideas and the more affecting points of the essay, in order to write my final draft. I realized that the more editing I did to my essays, the detailer I can write.

Also, I learned that every object has connection with the others. For example, the junior writing classes and freshman writing classes seemed like having nothing common with each other; one is learning to write for its major, and the other is learning to write for the college classes. But Steph put the two classes together, in order to let the juniors give out experience to the freshmen, and let the freshmen help the juniors doing research. Sometime, Steph connected all different bloggings together, to create a summary of all the ideas from the class. She wanted to sample that even though two completely different objects, they still have some commendations with each other.

Communication, reinforcement, and connection, could help me to improve my writing skills. They were not only affecting my writing for college writing class, but also improving my writing for Art History class and Women Studies class. My essays are more and more focusing. The college writing course definitely changes my style of writing which lets me to get into the college writing level.

[edit] Citation Exercise

"Sociocultural theory provides the most strongly supported theoretical account of the high levels of body image disturbance, body dissatisfaction, and disordered eating experienced by many women in Western societies."

McGill, Belinda, and Marika Tiggemann. "The Role of Social Comparison in the Effect of Magazine Advertisements on Women's Mood and Body Dissatisfaction." Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 23, No. 1, 2004, pp. 23-44. Flinders University of South Australia. 5 Nov. 2007 <http://www.atypon-link.com/ GPI/doi/pdf/10.1521/jscp.23.1.23.26991/>

I am taught about this topic in my Women Studies course recently. All women in the world, who weight 200 pounds, 100 pounds, or even though only 80 pounds, are on diet in present day. They are influnced by the advertising, by the society, and by their boyfriends or husbands;all the women want to get skinner. They believe that the skinner they can get, the more love they will recieve from their boyfriends and husbands, or they will get more attention from men. The wind of diet does not only happen in Westen societies, but this is a worldwide problem. Almost every woman in the world wants to get skinner; they use different ways to lose weight. But those unhealthy ways to lose weight are very dangerous; they will cause many problem, like eating disorder, and other problems in the society.

[edit] feedback: WinMi introduces Tlnelson

hi WinMi, are you ready for me and my feedback? :-) I am probably NOT going to mark all of your grammar error in bold, but I will mark some of them. As a second-language user, I want to focus more on your organization and flow than on the tiny details of linguistic structure. (This does not mean you are "off the hook," but the priorities are different for people who are still developing fluency in English than they are for native speakers.) The commentary will be in italics. Here we go!

You are definitely working with some sophisticated ideas. For instance, there is a neat link between the title and the theme of courage. You could be more explicit about naming the link (this is a common problem for native English writers, too). You repeat a few ideas, although sometimes you add new information or phrase the idea in an entirely different way - this is another key skill that you already have. Tlnelson suggested you use the format requiring a quotation...I'm curious, is that what you were trying to do with the title? Taking something she said as the quote to explain her life? Normally for that format of this assignment, writers choose a famous quotation or a song lyric: something that someone else has said.  :-) If you on purpose chose her own words, that's pretty cool. The main structural element becomes tying everything in the whole narrative back to that single idea.

Steph^(talk) 21:34, 30 September 2007 (EDT) {Note: feedback is not grading!}

[edit] Rising Heart Rates

{A note on heart rates: the plural would refer either to one heart's rate taken at different times, or on many people's combined heart rates. Although, I know that in some forms of Chinese medicine more than one pulse is recognized, so the error here may be cultural, not grammatical. To refer only to Tlnelson's heart rate, you might write (for example) "A Rising Heart Rate," "Raising her Heart Rate" or, more creatively (!), "Heart Rate Rising." Now that I'm on the topic, medically-speaking, a lower heart rate is generally taken to be more healthy than a high one - potential confusion in the title is fine as long as you make your meaning clear in the body of the narrative.}

Do you like challenging yourself? Do you challenge with your life as your deposit? Do you believe that challenging means a competition or a game? Do you think that playing bungee jump and skydiving are challenging your courage? {These questions are an effective tactic for drawing the reader to make a comparison between themself and your subject.} Talia, an affable, shy, and honest girl, loves to challenge herself all the time. She loves to ride the roller coasters and does fun, adventurous things, because all of them can stimulate every cell in her body. {Later, you will repeat the phrase about stimulating every cell in her body. What I'm wondering though, is it the stimulation itself that Tlnelson craves? Because that is somewhat different than courage.} Her dream is to go bungee jumping and skydiving, to challenge her courage. {repetitive} For her life challenging, she wants to challenge herself being more independence. {You need some synonyms for "challenge." Also, do you explain how courage and independence are related in her mind? There are some assumptions here, about those two things "go together," which ought to be spelled out.} Talia lives {past tense, or rephrasing, for instance, "Tlnelson's family lives..."} at Naples of Florida, but she decides to attend in University of Massachusetts Amherst, where separates by 12.21 degree of latitude from her hometown. {The detail is great: is it yours or hers? If it is hers, then this level of detail shows how important her family is to her - maybe you could include this with that section of the narrative?} She uses her future as her deposit, to show the world that she will be succeeding. {Twice you've mentioned "deposit" - again, your word or hers? If yours, you've got to demonstrate why/how you came up with this concept: how does a banking metaphor fit in with "courage" and "independence"? If it is word that Tlnelson used, you've got the same organizational issue as with precise knowledge of the difference in latitude - important information about Tlnelson, left as a mystery!}

Talia really care about her family, and family occupies an important position in Talia’s life. Family offers Talia the feeling of love, feeling of warm, and feeling of safety. Because growing up under this safety shell, Talia does not realize how much competitions the world has, how many kinds of people in the country, and how difficult get along well with each other. In order to have a good future, Talia decides to leave her family behind. She wants to see the complicated society, and she wants to get ready to get into the social world. {A link is missing in this explanation: if Tlnelson was actually sheltered from the world, what occurred to give her such motivation to throw herself into all it's mess and complication? Or, is it possible that she has cultivated such a strong foundation that she already has the security in herself to take on such a big challenge? Or....as a reader, this paragraph does not seem to fit in with the logic of argument. I can imagine ways that it could fit, but I have no way to know if what I imagine is accurate or not...}

Dating with David for three and a half years lets Talia feel that she is the luckiest girl in the world; she feels like she is living in the heaven. David understands her well, helps her solving difficulties, and stands with her at the hard time. Talia trusts Davis, and she is willing to give David all her love. David is the most important person to Talia. {How does the relationship with David "fit" with the themes of challenge, courage, and independence? This paragraph seems even more "out-of-place" than the previous one. I am not sure if the solution is to write the segues (transition sentences) that link the information here with the overall idea her identity, or if these bits of information do not really add much to what we know - or want to know - about Tlnelson.}

Actually, Talia is as the same as the other teenaged girls in the country. {diction: either "this country" - which you know I will bust you for using "this" :-) or the "United States", "America," "USA." The word "country" could also be taken to mean rural, so it is both confusing and nonspecific.} She loves shopping, and spends much money on herself; she loves to eat ice-cream and junk food, because she believes all the teenagers do that; she goes to Disney World a lot, because she loves it; she loves beaching, because the beauty of ocean lets her feel relaxing; she loves traveling around the country, because she believes that she can see and learn more information during the trips, she loves having a lot of friends, but few best friends; she loves cheerleading, and she is the captain in high school. {Same comments about this paragraph as with the preceding two.}

But, the thing makes her more different then others is Talia loves to challenge herself all the time. It not only can show in the decision making in studying at a different state where one thousand and five hundreds miles away from her home, but also can show in her experience of trying new things. She loves to ride the roller coasters and does fun, adventurous things, because all of them can stimulate every cell in her body, but she really hopes to try bungee jumping and skydiving. She really enjoys the feeling of her heart rates rising faster and faster; she will feel that she is strong. Since she studies at the college in the northeastern of the country, Talia is going to try skiing and snowboarding during the winter. She believes that these sports will become her other interests. {What would happen if you put this paragraph and its ideas right at the beginning? And then developed these themes with other evidence (even, possibly, the information in the problematic paragraphs)?}

But, please do not label Talia is an active girl, who is an easy-going person. {Hmmm. I am not sure if you have articulated the kind of contrast you want? "Easy-going" is generally taken as a compliment, and being easy-going does not necessarily have to be a contradiction with being active. I think - based on what you go on to write - that you have a different concept in mind....} She persists in a principled stand. {Being "principled" is often associated with courage and independence. Can you expand with an example?} She knows how to balance her stuff. For example, she will finish all her homework before she hangs out with her friends. {Can you link this particular example in some way to courage and/or independence?} Talia has been betrayed by a lot of people, so she understands the importance of being honesty. {Hmmm, betrayal contradicts the picture painted above of someone whose family protected her from the heartache of the world. Are there aspects or patterns of these betrayals that could shed light on the traits of courage and independence?} Even though she has met those cheaters, she still forgives them easily, but she will never forget what has happened to her. {Forgiveness itself is also an act of courage. The way you've written "those cheaters" gives the force of an epithet (calling them bad names), is this you being angry on her behalf?} She will engrave on her mind, and will not do the same thing forever. {Wow, the sentiments in your last line are powerful: how does "engraving on one's mind" relate to independence and courage? Specificially, Tlnelson's? The second phrase evokes (for me, not necessarily for everyone in your audience) a famous American Indian Chief who, upon failing after thousands of miles and many years to evade the US Army, said, "I will fight no more forever." What I wonder - again - is how such conviction figures in with the adrenalin of thrill-seeking as a means of building courage. A question I am left with regards whether the drive for independence is more a flight from interdependence? If that is too philosophical, or irrelevant to your subject, ignore it. :-)}

WinMi 12:19, 25 September 2007 (EDT)