Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

From UMassWiki

Nicki did a fair job on putting forth her best efforts in describing her identity. She was able to put herself forth and describe not only her identity, but also why she has come to embrace and sustain this identity. Nicki was on the mark with her audience. She was able to inform the reader in a way that kept it interesting, yet also had some intelligent and clever comparisons and other well placed literary tools. She kept her audience that could range from just the numbers in our class to any one visiting the Wiki. The reader was able to read Nicki, as she had wanted them to with complete honesty. In Nicki’s personal narrative it reads more like an autobiography. She throws in her own character in her writing and should focus on showing this character This may take some elaborations in certain areas and maybe leaving out some others. The one thing that is distracting to the audience is the transitions between ideas. They are not clear in some areas, where her character could come through strongly.

In the area of cohesiveness the paper lacked in form of order and structure. To help this Nicki would be better off focusing on maybe one of the aspects and include all of the things about that that makes hey who she is. Perhaps the best one to include would be focusing completely on the food aspect. This way she would be able to include all of her family, love of sports, love of food, and personality into one concise subject. This way the paper would be structured better, have more of a central flow and theme, and we would be able to see her personality more without the need of superfluous sentences that come with the jumping of subjects.

Overall, with a few minor details and maybe a look at the structure of the paper as a whole the paper should come together. The final constructive criticism that I have to give would be to weave in more of how everything she is saying related back to her identity. The word gets lost sometimes and would be a nice reminder as to what all these things are making up as the whole. --Thebriandonnelly 23:12, 27 September 2006 (EDT)