Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

From UMassWiki

[edit] Critique:

--Organize your thoughts better!!! You have sentences back to back that have nothing to do with eachother. It leaves the reader confused! Try to create paragraphs that include the same types of information, such as background, experiences, interests, dreams, etc.

--Try to elevate your diction a little bit. You used a few slang words that will automatically degrade your work from the reader's standpoint.

--The intro and conclusion do not match the rest of the paper. We already know this is describing you, that's what the paper is all about. It goes without saying.

-Good job painting a picture of yourself, I liked how you used random quirks and facts to show the reader who you are. It's good that you're proud to be you! Kate 00:14, 28 September 2006 (EDT)

[edit] Kate's Summary of Lincey's Narrative

Lincey’s identity narrative was very thoughtful, yet there were a few problems that I found. First, the organization does not help the flow of ideas. Most of the time, I could not understand why certain things were made into a paragraph, since the sentences did not relate. I feel like Lincey listed many facts about herself, and just kind of indented lines every so often. Also, the information should perhaps be set up in chronological order, so the reader can follow along easier. Another point of critique is that Lincey used colloquialisms that were too, well, colloquial. These proved to be distractions when I read the paper. I understand that the feel and tone of the paper is casual, but in some instances it seems like the author is just writing whatever comes into her head rather than thinking of an organized way of expressing her thoughts. One more thing that I didn’t get was the intro, as well as the conclusion. It did not match the rest of the narrative and seemed as though she took a long time thinking about how to creatively introduce and end the paper, but not as much time thinking about the middle.

As for rhetoric, Lincey definitely knows her identity. She expresses herself very well and paints a vivid picture of her everyday reality. The speaker seemingly is talking directly to the reader, which is a great effect. I felt that she wanted me to know things about her. I loved the subject matter. Liney stuck to what she thinks and feels, and it seems as though after I read this, I know a lot about who exactly she is. Kate 14:00, 28 September 2006 (EDT)