Hamlin

Hamlin is an all-male residential hall in the Northeast residential area. Hamlin and Knowlton are the only one-gender dorms on campus. Despite the supposed reputation that it has maintained in being an all-male dormitory, Hamlin is generally a very pleasant place to live and a good place to study. Sometimes.

Home to the Hamlinites

[edit] 1st Floor Hamlin

They are too cool to put anything on UMASSWiki.

[edit] 2nd Floor Hamlin

[edit] 3rd Floor Hamlin

Nothing is known about the 3rd floor. They are the second largest mystery on campus, behind only that of why the library was built strong enough to support books on only every other floor.

[edit] 4th Floor Hamlin

Included on the fourth floor are some of the original members of the fourth floor crew from the '06-'07 academic year. However, several key members are currently missing. Those missing include the infamous Petey who has since taken up a RA position in the Central residential area. He is sorely missed, however he occasionally joins the Fourthies in sharing a meal at Worcester Dining Commons.

[edit] Were you aware of it?

• The 4th Floor masterminded the assassination of the Archduke of Austria Franz Ferdinand, sparking World War I.
• The 4th Floor is almost 97% trans-fat free
• The 4th Floor's dad can beat up your dad unless your dad is a boxer or wrestler or like a really angry elf in which case we humbly concede
• The 4th Floor, because of an eddy in the space-time continuum, is technically trapped in the year 1947.
• The 4th Floor is has the highest concentration of Carbon Monoxide present in its air of any hall on campus. As a result, many members of the hall have health problems regarding abnormal sleep patterns.

[edit] Linguistic Prowess

The Fourthies are especially well known for their linguistic prowess and their skill at formulating new and exciting phrases and wordings that become part of the everyday lexicon on the floor. Current usages and creations include the use of the word "tang" following a shortened form of an already used piece of American lingo. For example, the use of the word "weentang" has become especially prevalent on the fourth floor. Commonly used words and phrases that are often vulgar and disturbing in nature frequently get yelled up and down the hall with great gusto and vivacity. In actuality, the fourth floor often becomes so clouded with foul language that babies have been known to begin spontaneously crying within a 5 mile radius.

[edit] Questionable Behavior

Additionally, the Fourthies have a strong tendency towards jocular homosexual behavior. Science is currently struggling to find the original source of power that influences the Fourthies to act in such ways. There is significant evidence in favor of the theory that Steve, the RA of the floor, contributes heavily to this phenomenon and may in fact be the sole affecting factor. However, despite an unusual concentration of engineers on the floor, the proposed hypothesis that Steve is, in fact, "a big gay" remains empirically uncertain.

Also, there was the Incident of the Gaping Anus, and here is what happened: (=O=)

[edit] Zombie Apocalypse

In October 2007 Hamlin 4th Floor was awarded the prestigious honor of being the most Zombie Preparded Workplace and/or Living Community in the United States by the National Association for Zombie Prevention and Awareness (NAZPA). Amoungst other things, they were awarded for their large precentage of trained zombie prevention residents, an impressive stockpile of crude zombie-combat weaponry, regular public viewings of zombie awareness documentaries and an on-hand copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. A representative from Hamlin 4th Floor said that they were proud of their efforts and were confident the hall could retain the title next year, especially due to their latest addition of in-hall T-Virus Antidote supplies.

[edit] Quotes of 2006

• "I've officially kissed a man." - Dan

• "I would love to like... bathe elderly people for a job." - Nate

• "Nate, I must say your nuts are delicious." - Ryan

• "Why would you want to shave me?" - Dan

• "It's all about dem balls." - Nate

• "I've never bought anything that was whispered." - Dan

• "Imagine if Luis was a lesbian... that'd be nuts!" - Nate

• "Your balls are the 6th nicest place to live in the world." - Dan

• "I WILL TELL YOU how to live your life!" - Luis

• "I'm writin' you up bitch!" - Steve

• "Hey baby, you wanna see my inch worm?" - Nate

• "I am so urban fresh." - Petey

[edit] Quotes of 2007

• "It's English Luis, learn it." - Nate

• "God gave you two hands to hold my balls with." - Luis

• "Ecstacy isn't bad for you... check wikipedia." - Sam

• "Snugtang...what does that even mean?" --Nick

• "So, you girls wanna bake us some cookies? - Mikey

• "You have to be a big guy to shave your head. See I couldn't shave my head cause I would just look like I had cancer." - Nate

• "He is murmuring in some strange foreign tounge." - Nate, in reference to Dan's verbal skills upon waking.

• "So THAT'S how cars are made!" - Nate, whilst watching a commerical where a baking chocolate chip cookie transforms into a SUV.

• "Is this normal? My hands are brown." - Luis, the burnished Dominican.

• "Dan you're so cool, you can shit on my chest anytime!" - Nate

• "I just don't get it. Girls should not have boyfriends unless it's me." - Sam

• "Is that even possible?!" - Dan, whilst reading the Kama Sutra with his girlfriend.

• "There's always one asshole like you who wants to shit in the apple pie. Well, you just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back." - Taken from the movie Club Dread, adopted by Dan and Nate.

• "And that's why people like us don't have the force." - Nate

• "You just blamed ME for 9-11!" - Dan Taylor

• "I'm gonna have sex with Alizee and not let Mikey touch her." - Marco. In a special double quote, Mikey replied: "Like you could stop me. I'm gonna rape the fuck outta Alizee." - Mikey

• "I would punt baby zombies." - Marco

• "I would punt...babies..." - Nate

• "When you think about it, Trojan is a TERRIBLE name for a condom brand." - Sam

• "Luis, why cant you be one of those singing and dancing black people?" - Nathaniel

• "What the problem is?" - Mikey

• "We can use that joke for a WONG time." - Bob

• "That's what girls say about me: The more they drink, the better I get." - Dan

• "Mikey is the Beatles of shits." - Petey

• "Luis, you aren't even a real race!" - Mikey

• "Where DID my pant's go?" - Nate

• "I am not having sex with anyone on this hall" - Dan

• "So that means when you get her pants off it goes away, what's the problem?" - Dan, in reference to muffintops.

• "So there's four of you guys and one of me, what you wanna do?" - Some random chick

[edit] Quotes of 2008

• "What I'm saying is, I'm a fat chick" - Luis
• "I have the first spice girls album on my computer." - Sam
• "I'm gonna Superman paul." - Sam, shortly after the previous quote.
• "I don't even need to watch movies. I just view them in my head." - Sam, again, shortly after the previous.
• "I'm pretty sure you could be your own father. Let me think about it." - Sam

[edit] Mailing Address and Informational Type Crap

Hamlin Hall
739 North Pleasant Street
Amherst, MA 01003-9211

Nearby Dining Commons: Worcester Dining Commons

UMASS Hamlin Hall Webpage

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