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Anna Makes Claims

Dear Anna,

In the span of two papers, in my opinion, you actually improved a great deal. In fact, you improved a whole letter grade!

Yippee!

For the “Interacting with Text” paper, you had to integrate your own idea with that of the author’s text, in this case, was Geeta Kothari’s “If You Are What You Eat, then What Am I?” I know this was a difficult assignment for you because this particular assignment had asked you to make a specific claim.

What is a claim? Well, first off, a claim is not a summary. A claim is “very specific, not broad or general” and is an arguable idea that “digs deeper” than that of a general summary. A claim is neither a “skimming” statement, which does not address why the author uses the idea.

I love reading this kind of explanatory information in a reflection letter. :-)

When you wrote your first draft of this paper, I had noticed that the whole essay bordered around (and did not dig deeper into) your intended claim of “what it meant to assimilate and grow up in America.” Steph commented, “Your claim should answer this question of “what it means.” You had basically written a whole summary of Kothari’s essay, which was not the purpose of this assignment. Towards the very last paragraph of your essay though, you finally came across your real claim, which was “to assimilate and grow up in America is to be constantly facing the clashes of different cultures and deciding how to define oneself as a person.”

So perhaps when had realized this, (or rather, when Steph blatantly pointed it out in your draft), you re-wrote your whole paper according to that claim.

LOL! Come on, you wrote it! I only identified where you finally landed. :-) Note how what you’ve written goes along so nicely with John? and Phane88’s reflections? I am intent to emphasize this: diligent rewriting will carry you through your own thoughts until you sort out the claim that is most meaningful to you (or most do-able, obvious, practical, etc.).

Another issue that you had in your first draft was that you injected numerous quotes attempting to support your claim. My peer editor, Stephanie E., had suggested that instead of just putting the quotes out there maybe I should have included an explanation with each quote so that the reader would not get lost trying to make the connections. I found that very helpful so I had put her suggestion into consideration and removed many unnecessary quotes from my first draft and elaborated on the remaining citations in my final draft.

Yes! Excellent advise from your peer editor. :-)

On the first letter that I had written to you about your identity narrative, I had mentioned that you had a problem with making “concise connections” with your main thesis. This time around, for your second unit paper, I think you improved quite a bit in staying focused on your claim and not straying off elsewhere. I had also noticed that your structure and transition for this second unit was also a great advancement compared to your first unit.

Yep!

Though you did grow a little bit as a writer in the span of these two papers so far, one thing that I think you still need to work on is your grammar and mechanics. This is still a problem. The redundancy, diction, tense, and sentences ending in prepositions (just to name a few) serves as a distraction to your paper. If you could work on that a bit more, that could greatly help your next paper in the long-run.

I’d say you grew more than a little. Your focus has been on what the Writing Program calls “higher order concerns.” Yes, the grammar and mechanics distracts, and…the more sharp and clear you become in what you WANT to say, the more readily you’ll minimize the distractions. Still, once those habits are in place, it takes time, effort, attention, and practice to change them.

One last thing I wanted to comment on was the conclusion of your second unit paper. Steph had asked if you could somehow re-work your closing statement in some form other than re-phrasing your opening statement to the paper. I wonder if that could be possible as well.

That’s all of I have to say for now. Bon chance on your last paper!

Best regards,
From your counterpart:
Annerrs 12:58, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

French is so cool. “Bon chance” indeed! steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

Dave Connects the Dots

Dear Dave, I think that this Unit was the most fun for me to write. I learned a lot not only about my writing, but myself. Reading Anzaldua’s piece for the first time, it immediately clicked into my head on how to interact with her writing and adding in my own spin on the conversation. This is one paper I have written (or am still writing!) that I am truly proud of. Am also proud that it is on the wiki so others can read it.

Yes, you have written a great piece. Would you consider submitting it for next year’s Student Anthology and Celebration of Writing competition?

The main thing that I learned about my writing was that I wasn’t truly connecting all the dots. I learned how to become focused on what I was writing about (what goals I was trying to achieve) and minimize the other distractions and “filler” in my paper. It was also apparent that my writing needs to follow a more logical path. I have the tendency to jump around with my thoughts and not correlate my ideas into a pattern that is easy for the reader to follow.

I have not used the word “pattern” to try and describe how a writer must construct their thoughts and ideas in sentences and paragraphs that the reader can follow. Hmmm. Useful! Readers follow more easily when the thought pattern is discernable, OR if the writer indicates changes in the pattern by giving cues about the transition from a familiar pattern to an unfamiliar one. Like a traffic map, perhaps? Everyone knows how to take a right turn at the light. But what if it is a five-way intersection? Then you have to provide warning and a bit more detail: “At the five-way light, take the sharpest right.”

Thanks!

This essay for Unit 2 also went deep into my personal life, which is a topic that I usual stray away from. It was great to really open up and tell my audience who I really was. I actually wrote the paper in a Portuguese version and sent it to an Aunt. I also sent her a summary of the Anzaldua article translated into Portuguese (she doesn’t speak much English). She told me it was beautiful and truly made her proud of her heritage. This gave me quite a boost of confidence to keep re-writing this paper. I want to perfect it and make it something that I can look back on and be proud of. Sincerely, Dave 13:05, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

I am so happy your Aunt liked it! It is beautiful, Dave, you deserve to be proud. steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

Kelley's Gonna Show Us

Dear Kelley, This second paper you wrote was satisfactory. It could have been better or potentially worse. I thought you did a great job identifying different themes through out the story that you manipulated into your thesis. I also thought your selling and grammar was much better on this last paper. Now, you chose to rewrite it for understandable reasons.

Ah, you and Dan might be in league! Your use of the term “manipulate” reminds me of his use of “warp.” I’m pretty sure you intend to imply a positive meaning, right? As with “warp”, “manipulate” has a neutral definition that can be interpreted as “good” or “bad” (or neither, simply descriptive).

<I>I agree, both that your Unit Three “conversation” paper has terrific potential and that rewriting it is a worthy investment. I’m excited to see where you go with it!

On this second paper I noticed how you have trouble incorporating both facts and your own opinions in your papers. You are passionate and opinionated on a lot, however it is imperative to incorporate facts as well so you whole paper just isn’t your opinion on a particular subject. In order to achieve this you could try using more quotes or toning down how much you say of what you think.

Yes, this is particularly important when you’re writing on a topic that is historically and culturally as divisive as politics. There’s irony in the fact that just trying to encourage people to be political is attacked as being too political! Since you know this is true, and since you do have particular political views, the highest value of democracy makes it even more important that you find ways not only TO SAY that even those who may be your opponents on particular issues ought to get involved, but TO BELIEVE their involvement is better than their apathy or disinvestment. When your passion comes from this base, I think you can reach beyond the choir.

I also think you need to anticipate what the reader is going to think. Steph has gone over this in class where you need to anticipate which way the reader is going to go with your writing. I think your on the right page however because you identified that you need to work on this.

Absolutely!

One last thing that needs to be worked on still is showing the readers versus is telling them. I think if you get this concept down, your writing will improve tremendously. I think you are going to do well on your third and fourth paper! I understand why you chose not to rewrite the second paper again, however, I am expecting a lot out of your third paper! Good work! Ksweets 13:59, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Yep, and this is a struggle for nearly everyone I know. Even those who already “show” more than “tell” have to work at staying in this mode, rather than drifting into abstract explanation. Hmmm, I’m wondering out loud now (!), but it seems we often consider writing a communication medium for explaining instead of medium for doing. Do you know what I mean? (Me either, grin, but let’s see if I can clarify…)

Well, yes, that is probably obvious. :-/ I am not sure if this example helps you move from telling to showing in your own paper? We *did* discuss several ways you can show instead of tell in your Unit Three “conversation” paper. Hopefully you are making good progress with that! steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

Stick-To-It Nick

My second college paper showed a lot more improvements than my first. I had a clear set of ideas about what I was going to write about and the organization throughout the paper was better. I still need to improve on developing a strong claim and sticking to it without trailing off to other topics.

You are certainly not alone! Hopefully you can take tips and inspiration from your peers as well as whatever else you can glean from me.

Also, revisions and more revisions are essential. In my paper I still had a lot of distractions caused by diction, grammar and repetitiveness of words that I could have caught during a revision process. I also learned that it is very important to have direct quotes from the author that one is writing about. Not only is it important to include the quotes, insert them into the proper place in the essay and citing it correctly, making sure there is enough detail and support to back up the quote. Also to make sure that the quote is direct to the point or issue in the claim that you are trying to address.

All important matters, yes. You’ll have to decide when in the writing/rewriting process to focus on the distractions you mentioned: Dan wrote that he’s not going to worry about that until he’s clear on his claim and organization. I support this strategy although I do not think it hurts to fix stuff as you go if you notice it.

Selecting and placing quotes can be the “make-or-break-it” structure of a paper, so you are also on track to emphasize this area. A well-placed quote that exactly makes your point can completely sway a reader, whereas a confusing quote, or a powerful one placed poorly, can damage your ethos beyond repair.

I hope that my unit three paper shows that I improved on the issues I had in my unit two. I used many citations and references hopefully it was enough to improve on my prior mistakes. I feel that revisions was my problem and probably still is a problem for me because somehow I always have something to correct that can distract the reader and take points off in my essay. Esco 14:52, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

EVERYONE has “something to correct”! And, revisions are also everyone’s problem.  :-) We all have to do it! Well, if we want to be good, as in, really effective with what we write. I’ve got a bit of a thought-stream trickling along from reading and responding to all these reflection letters….it has to do with the notion that writing is more than just self-expression. Writing is not “just” to tell you what I think, or prove what I know, or show that I can argue. Writing is an attempt to Do Something in the world. Putting words on paper (or a computer screen), is as tangible as throwing a pass hoping for a touchdown reception, or kicking a corner into the penalty box for someone else’s perfect header.

I’m enjoying watching your writing improve, steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

Not A FlyFishing Scotsman

After writing this paper I think I got a much better sense of what kind of writer I am. When I turned in the first paper I remember feel anxious as to what someone might say when they read it and wondered whether they would like it. This one, not so much. I've realized I am an angry and bitter writer, which I find funny because that's not really who I am. With this essay though I found it easy to tear up someone else's writing, and I feel that I was able to spend more time on it because I felt more connected to the piece than a lot of others. Like I said before the first paper didn't feel like me and so I didn't really learn much, the second essay on the other hand felt like me and I fell that I took in a lot more.

This is interesting, if only because of the characterizations that have been made of Cho’s writings – that they were so disturbing, somehow, and should have “caused” something to “be done” in order to prevent the killings at Virginia Tech. Your sarcasm does bite, but it also shows potential (in my mind) to develop into irony that matches the personality you (seem to!) have in real life. Of course, you may decide you like this style and choose to preserve the harsh qualities (bitterness, anger), or you may work to soften the focus of your lens on human faults and foibles (if only enough so as not to lose parts of your potential audience).

This paper showed me that I am really bad at taking material from other sources, quoting them, then using them to strengthen my argument. I have always been bad at this and I know that I will have to work on this a lot in order to come out on top of the third essay. My second paper could have been so much stronger had I used quotes and I do realize that now. Also I feel that my examples, although good, were not strong enough, or at least not detailed enough to make the point I was trying to make. I always seem to have the feeling that most people have had the same experiences that I have, but now I am coming to the realization that that might not be the case.

Huge revelation! :-) Crucial, too, that others have not only NOT had the same experiences as oneself, they may even have had counterexperiences that lead them to perceive events in radically opposite ways than you (or me). So the challenge of writing well is to reach beyond an audience that already agrees with you (especially since you can rarely predict exactly which readers will or won’t automatically follow your logic) by making it possible for someone who disagrees, or simply does not view the world from the same position as you (and therefore sees it differently), to read your thinking and at least understand WHY you think the way you do. (This is an achievement for anyone.) The skills you mention are all part of this endeavor: selecting, using, and explaining quotes, knowing where to include detail and supportive examples, and linking them together cohesively. That you can identify them is a great sign!

The parts of this essay that I did like and I hope I can keep moving into my new essay are the way it is read and the strength of the argument. I feel that my paper was an easy read, to me it did not feel like I was reading five pages and I know that some other people said the same thing. I would love to be able to make my third essay like this. Also I feel that my argument came off as bold and was acknowledged by everyone that read it. Whether I am right or wrong I would love people who read my work to at least acknowledge what I am trying to say. TheFlyingScotsman 15:05, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

I agree: your writing flows with a strong current, capturing and holding attention.  :-) It is just that there are these occasional boulders that disrupt the reader’s passage, threatening to toss him out of the canoe, and periodic series of minor rapids where the thoughts come too quick for winnowing out contradictions. I’m not suggesting you eliminate controversy (heavens no!), but help the reader navigate the curve and undertow of your logic.steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

Adam Inspires Soapbox Steph

After getting my penultimate draft of my unit two paper out and graded, I realized that a lot more things make sense to me in terms of both this class and about writing in general. The “final” final draft will have minor changes dealing with grammar and small details. The bulk of the actual writing and substance, though, is complete. I will probably submit it once more just to see if I can get the A on it.

Music to a teacher’s ears! “…a lot more things make sense to me…” :-)

The biggest thing that this essay taught me was that emotion and a personal standpoint/parallel to something is not necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary it is exactly what can make a paper fuller and more meaningful. In my identity essay I really didn’t know what to do because I had never done that kind of writing before. I suppose that was a good base for this essay, however, because now that I kind of knew what was expected, I could relate it to my own life. I guess the thing that most clarified this concept for me was my second meeting with Steph where we discussed where things could potentially go and what to do with them. I felt that it was both a much more productive paper and meeting than the last one had been by far.

Bingo! “…emotion and a personal standpoint/parallel to something . . . is exactly what can make a paper fuller and more meaningful.” Oh yea, make my day!

In my unit one reflection letter I talked about how I didn’t know if I agreed with that style of writing in which I was supposed to personally connect to. I explained how I was used to simply analyzing texts and looking at them in a deeper context. If I did include a personal opinion in anything, it was wrong. That being said I know understand the concept that there are different styles of writing that I simply have to get used to and be accepting of. I managed a B+, so far, on this paper because I made this connection between fact and personal experience.

Connecting “fact” and “personal experience” is (in The World According to Steph) the working of consciousness. Think (!) about it: certain things are demonstrated to you to be “true”, to be “facts”, to be therefore unchangeable or nonnegotiable. Yet, “personal experience” shows you that many supposedly immutable things DO change, ARE negotiable, and are therefore NOT so objective after all. Writing is a process that helps one explore the terrain of your own mind.

In terms of moving on with my writing and how it has progressed, I think that there is a lot that I have accomplished between unit one and the draft that I am currently on of my unit 2. I feel that I am not only growing as a writer but also as a person. I think I might be in a better place for figuring out “who I am” as opposed to where I was after the last paper. That is a very big deal because the topic of discussion, lately, has been about Steph has been trying to improve us as people as well as writers. I’m excited to see where things go with the unit four paper because it pertains directly to this.

Atshekleton 15:44, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Well now. :-) What can I say? I do want you all to be “better people” after having a class with me, but that phrasing might imply a judgment that you may not have started out so well. (!) Not My Point! I want you to be smarter, more confident, more assertive, more clear concerning which skills you want and need to be successful in the world, in your lives. I would not mind if you learn how to use words to channel violence and resolve conflict so we (humanity) can somehow get together to end the era of selective slaughter.

With that said (!), it is gratifying to read that you think you are growing both as a person and a writer. For grading purposes, we’ll keep our eyes on the latter, k? :-) steph (COM) 14:01, 6 May 2007 (EDT)

More Reflections on Reflecting from Steph

On Page One of Steph's Feedback on Student's Second Reflection Letters, please find:

1. Andy and His Words
2. Looking Ahead with Jessica
3. New and Older (!) Fafane
4. Can One Whittle a Stream of Dan's Consciousness?
5. John? and The World
6. PoorBored Peter the Impatient :-)