Thanks to the COM352 students for contributing a bunch of new pages! I'll be moving these pages into the main area of the wiki soon.

From UMassWiki

Tense

A category of verbal inflection that serves chiefly to specify the time of the action or state expressed by the verb. – Dictionary.com Incorrect: The dills, the unspoken of types of curry, and various spices which defined her pallet and herself as different in an American cafeteria, would separate her from her family as she became lost both in preparation of her mother’s dishes, and in doing so, the fundamental connections that tied her to the unique place she has established in America.

Correct: The dills, the unspoken of types of curry, and various spices which defined her palate and herself as different in an American cafeteria, would separate her from her family as she became lost both in preparation of her mother’s dishes, and in doing so, the fundamental connections that tie her to the unique place she has established in America. Fotomaki 13:01, 21 May 2007 (EDT)

Than/Then

You "then" when talking about time sequence. Use "than" when comparing things.

Incorrect: This being that when a person is told not to do something it will more then likely create the opposite effect then planned.

Correct: This being that when a person is told not to do something it will more then likely create the opposite effect than planned. Jessica 19:21, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Article

Original: “Chances are you have seen images of children dying because their nation has little economic influence, and they cannot do anything about it.”

Page/Reasoning: 262. The word “poverty” should be substituted for the word “it” so there is no specification problem.

Rewrite: “Chances are you have seen images of children dying because their nation has little economic influence, and they cannot do anything about this poverty.”John? 09:09, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

And Unspecified Pronoun

AAARRRRGH! steph (COM) 14:34, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Article

Original: “It is not an easy task, but it is even harder to fit into a culture without being a part of it.”

Page/Reasoning: 262. The word “It” does not have a definition. It means coming to new culture.

Rewrite: “This transition is not an easy task, but it is even harder to fit into a culture without being a part of it.”John? 10:09, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Article

Incorrect: It is why Kothari is reluctant to try preparing meals from her fleeting memories of her mother’s cooking, and reluctant from feeling the discouragement that her connection with her parents may be as fading as the recipes.

Correct: Kothari is reluctant to try preparing meals from her fleeting memories of her mother’s cooking, and reluctant from feeling the discouragement that her connection with her parents may be as fading as the recipes. Fotomaki 13:17, 21 May 2007 (EDT)

Effects of Rewriting

Notice that with a clearer subject "this transition," the word "but" is no longer accurate (diction). The rest of the sentence is now either redundant or contradictory. steph (COM) 14:34, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified article

Original: This effectively proves her inner conflict within herself between the two cultures.

-They are among the most frequently used words in English, but they also are a frequent source of problem in writing.

Correct: The quote effectively proves her inner conflict within herself between the two cultures. Andy 12:12, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Clarify the Explanation!

What is "they"? (In addition to being an unspecified pronoun?) steph (COM) 14:34, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: With the previous law that is now in affect, our nation has come to the realization that this age group displays the reactance theory.

Correct: With the previous law that is now in affect, our nation has come to the realization that eighteen to twenty year olds display the reactance theory. Jessica 19:08, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified articles

Original: The "riot" was clearly far from an organized protest for complaints, but the causes of it must be considered.

Use Above Penguin.

Corrected: The "riot" was clearly far from an organized protest for complaints, but causes of the riot must be considered. Andy 15:41, 2 May 2007 (EDT)

Synonyms?

Don't repair an unspecified article by repetition! Why trade one distraction for another? steph (COM) 14:34, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified article

Incorrect: “It is not common like in women but they should be aware and do something…”

Correct: Eating disorders are not common in males like in females but they should be aware and do something…Phane88 13:22, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronoun, Too :-/

Suggestion: Eating disorders are not as common with males, but men should also be aware..." steph (COM) 14:34, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified article

Incorrect: “The author was right on point with her arguments and claims and I though it could have been better if she wrote more than one paragraph about her cultural background (not only the language part, but the food, the way of life).”

Correct: The author was right on point with her arguments and claims and her essay could have been better if …Phane88 13:35, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

SpeLLING!

Unspecified Pronouns

NC Unspecified pronouns.

Original: “What matters is not what people think of us, or what we tell others to think of us, but what people come to think of us.”

Page/Reasoning: 267-268. The pronoun “us” must refer to at least myself and one other person, however, because I do not mention who the “us” is in that sentence, it is unspecified who exactly the pronoun “us” is supposed to represent. By replacing “us” with “each other” or “one another” it is clear that I am referring to everyone in the world.

Rewrite: “What matters is not what people think of themselves, or what we tell people to think of others, but what people come to think of one another.”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronoun

Original: “Many countries and cities are desperate for jobs, but because they have no economic power or advantage, they are neglected.”

Page/Reasoning: See above.

Rewrite: “Many countries and cities are desperate for jobs, but are neglected because they have no economic power or advantage.”John? 09:22, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: The short story, "If You Are What You Eat, Then What Am I?" is a great example of this.

Correct: The short story, "If You Are What You Eat, Then What Am I?" shows how one must learn to combine both old experiences with new experiences. Jessica 11:50, 26 April 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronoun

Incorrect: “Maybe they don’t care if they end up dead;”

Correct: Maybe these young ladies do not care if they end up dead.Phane88 13:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified pronouns

Unspecified Pronouns Mistake- While in D.C. we attended several conferences and debates. Penguin Book- (pg 262-263) Subject pronouns function as the subject of the sentence. Who is the subject? Me Corrected-While in D.C. I attended several conferences and debates through the Close-Up program. Ksweets 19:34, 29 April 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified pronouns

Original: In her childhood she was unable to eat many "American" foods such as hot dogs, because as an Indian she finds it disgusting.

Corrected: In her childhood she was unable to eat many "American" foods such as hot dogs, because as an Indian Kothari finds it disgusting. Andy 12:17, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronouns

Was

So that makes me feel no great attachment to it

Should Be

So that makes me feel no great attachment to writing

Explanation page 267

There was no mention of what the pronoun was referring to in the original sentence. By putting writing in its place it makes it more obvious what I was talking about.TheFlyingScotsman 13:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronoun

Was

Well, the higher-ups at The University of Massachusetts have had a new idea and I personally think that it will soon be added to their repertoire of decisions that can be compared to betting $100,000 on a seven-year-old paraplegic to win in a boxing match against Mike Tyson.

Should Be

Well, the higher-ups at The University of Massachusetts have had a new idea and I personally think that the idea will soon be added to their repertoire of decisions that can be compared to betting $100,000 on a seven-year-old paraplegic to win in a boxing match against Mike Tyson.

Penguin Page 268

Pronouns should never leave the reader guessing about antecedents. TheFlyingScotsman 19:44, 4 May 2007 (EDT)

Unspecified Pronoun

Original: My parents fought with each other my entire childhood, right up until the very second their divorce was finalized; Now they just do it through my brother and I.

Reasoning: pg: 262; “Object pronouns function as direct or indirect object.”

Rewrite: My parents fought with each other my entire childhood, right up until the very second their divorce was finalized; now they fight through my brother and I.Mralexan 08:53, 20 May 2007 (EDT)

Vagueness (diction)

- using pronouns that links to more than one noun and usually end up confusing the reader (P.267-268)

Incorrect: “Since they could not afford to buy books, they had to borrow them from their friends and copy everything in their notebooks and study.”

Corrected: Unable to buy books, my mom and uncle had to borrow a friend’s to do their homework and studies.Phane88 22:17, 2 April 2007 (EDT)

Vague

Original: “It may seem as though Geeta’s mother is a counterexample to my claim.”

Page/Reasoning: 231. My claim is not specified here, I should have stated it so the reader doesn’t have to look back and figure out what it was.

Rewrite: “It may seem as though Geeta’s mother is a counterexample to my claim that people absorb the culture around them since she is in America but still has much Indian culture.”John? 10:05, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Vagueness

Original: “In a world with fair competition, company A would pay company B $50,000.”

Page/Reasoning: See above.

Rewrite: “In a world with fair competition, where no company had a monetary advantage because of their location or resources, company A would pay company B $50,000.”John? 09:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Vagueness

Incorrect: “It is true that some people are skinny because it is genetic and there is nothing wrong with that as long as they keep eating healthy food, they will not have to worry about being underweight.”

Correct: It is true that some people are skinny because of their genes, those people should not be worry as long as they maintain a healthy life.Phane88 11:41, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

We, incorrect useage

Original: “With so much global transition in today’s world, we often overlook the struggles of those who have difficulty fitting into a foreign culture.”

Page/Reasoning: NA. The “we” in this sentence is not specified; it means people who have not had a culture transition.

Rewrite: “With so much global transition in today’s world, people who have had the same culture their whole life often overlook the struggles of those who have difficulty fitting into a foreign culture.”John? 10:09, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Wordiness

Incorrect: What I believe this increase in arrests for alcohol and drugs had instead produced is a growing sense of animsosity between UMass students and UMass police.

Penguin: Pg. 217 Empty words resemble the foods that add calories without nutrition. Put your writing on a diet.

Corrected: Instead this increase in arrests for alcohol and drugs has produced a growing animosity between UMass students and UMass police. Andy 15:29, 2 May 2007 (EDT)

Wordiness

Incorrect: “Anorexia nervosa is when somebody mostly a young girl loses her appetite or stop eating real food because they think that they are not fit like a model on the runway.”

Correct: Anorexia nervosa is when a person loses his/her appetite or stops eating real food because they think that they are not fit like a model on the runway.Phane88 12:40, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Wordiness

Original: "Civilians as well as millions of innocent lives in Africa have been massacred in the process and were lost due to these 'forever lasting diamonds.'"
Reasoning: Reduce wordy phrases (p. 218; 16b).
Corrected: "Civilians in Africa were lost due to these 'forever lasting diamonds.'" Annerrs 12:49, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Wordiness

Incorrect: It is why Kothari is reluctant to try preparing the meals from her fleeting memories of her Mother’s cooking, and reluctant from feeling the discouragement that her connection with her parents may be as fading as the recipes.

Correct: It is why Kothari is reluctant to try preparing the meals from her fleeting memories of her Mother’s cooking, and from feeling the discouragement that her connection with her parents may be as fading as the recipes. Fotomaki 13:06, 21 May 2007 (EDT)