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Redundancy

- when words repeat the meaning of the word they pretend to modify. (P.217)

Incorrect: “I took care of my own business such as filing form financial aid, applying for loans, and making sure that everything was is under control in my life all because my parents lack speaking English. They are not fluent in English.”

Corrected: I made sure that I had everything under control for my school such as applying for financial aid, loans, and meeting the deadlines because my parents were unable to do so all because they lack English.Phane88 22:27, 2 April 2007 (EDT)

A better choice?

Diction. I bet your folks understand some English, and maybe even know a few words. But they lack fluency. steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Redundancy

Mistake- I remember always trying to debate and stand up for being a Republican. I used the word republican six times in six sentences.

Corrected- I remember always trying to debate and stand up for being a Conservative Ksweets 19:25, 29 April 2007 (EDT)

Redundancy

Original: “What I need is a fresh sea, a sea where my thoughts are clear and easy to navigate through, a sea where I can make an intelligent conclusion about what identity means, or what it doesn’t mean.”

Page/Reasoning: 217. The word “through” after “navigate” is redundant or unnecessary, it repeats the meaning of “navigate”. Rewrite: “What I need is a fresh sea, where my thoughts are clear and easy to navigate, where I can make intelligent conclusions about what identity means.”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Redundancy

Original: “Thinking back on my entire life I can safely say that this definition always works.”

Page/Reasoning: 217. There are two redundancies in this line, the first being “entire life” and the second being “safely say”. If I am thinking back on my life, I am thinking back on my entire life, so “entire” is unnecessary. If I say something definitive, I must be “safely” saying it so “safely” is also unnecessary.

Rewrite: “Thinking back on my life I can say that this definition always works.”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Redundancy

Original: "Civilians as well as millions of innocent lives in Africa have been massacred in the process and were lost due to there 'forever lasting diamonds.'"
Reasoning: Some words act as modifiers, but when you look closely at them, they repeat the meaning of they word they pretend to modify. These unnecessary words are redundant (p. 217; 16a).
Corrected: "Civilians have been massacred due to these 'forever lasting diamonds.'" Annerrs 12:45, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Redundancy

Original: One time at a ballroom competition I was dancing, just fooling around to some salsa music, and a random girl came up to me afterwards and asked if I was Dominican.

Page/Reasoning: See above for page. The phrase "I was dancing" is unecessary because it at a ballroom competition one would obviously be dancing so no need to specify.

Corrected: One time at a ballroom competition, I was fooling around to some salsa music, and a random girl came up to me afterwards and asked if I was Dominican. Esco 13:28, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Referencing

Info on the Bibliographic Referencing and In-Text Citations page.

Repetition

- repeating the same thing over and over again (not in handbook)

Incorrect: “My mom’s siblings had to go to school one at a time because her parents could not afford to send all seven of them at the same time.”

Corrected: My mom’s siblings had to go to school one at a time because her parents could not afford to send all seven together.Phane88 22:27, 2 April 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: Then what, what would happen?

Correct: Then what would happen? Jessica 12:21, 26 April 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

Incorrect: “Her identity is definitely linked to her cultural side but why did she have to go through so many links to prove it when it was obvious from the beginning?”

Correct: Anzaldua’s identity is definitely linked to her cultural side but why did she have to go through so many links to prove it?Phane88 12:21, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Way to Fix More!

I like that you also clarified the unspecified pronoun! :-) steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

-see above for penguin -repeating words in the same sentence more than once.

Incorrect: "This is a problem for me because a Latin beat is always going on in my head always causing me to move..."

-repeating the word always

Correct: "This is a problem for me because a Latin beat is always going on in my head causing me to move..."

Incorrect: "...assigned a project that involved picking a profession that involved Anatomy and Physiology and..."

-repeating the word involved

Correct: "...assigned a project in which we had to pick a profession that involved Anatomy and Physiology and..." Esco 13:29, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: One time at a ballroom competition, i was fooling around to some salsa music, and a random girl came up to me and asked me if I was Dominican.

-repeating the word me

Correct: One time at a ballroom competition, i was fooling around to some salsa music, and a random girl came up to me and asked if I was Dominican. Esco 13:19, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Mileage!

You worked this sentence over! :-) steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

Incorrect: I believe that the legal drinking age should be lowered from 21 years of age, to 18 years of age.

Correct: I believe that the legal drinking age should be lowered from twenty one years of age to eighteen. Jessica 18:46, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

Incorrect: Overuse of the word 'animosity'

See above for Penguin.

Corrected second use of word: This tension was an underlying cause of the riots that occurred in December of 2006. Andy 15:46, 2 May 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

Was

I am not saying that all students who live in southwest will succumb to the urge to party and not go to class I am just saying that from living in an all freshman building I can say that a lot of people do.

Should Be

I am not saying that all students who live in southwest will succumb to the urge to party and not go to class I just mean that from living in an all freshman building I can report that a lot of people do.

Penguin Page 217

Some words act as modifiers, but when you look at closely at them, they repeat the meaning of the word they pretend to simplify. TheFlyingScotsman 19:44, 4 May 2007 (EDT)

Repetition

Original: I know I sound old.... I sound like I have lived seventy...

Reasoning: Not found, however repetition lacks creativity in your work in choosing better words for the situation.

Rewrite: I know I come across as old and worn out, weathered and torn. I sound like I have lived seventy years and have reason to be this cynical and the truth is, my life as a whole has not been much more dramatic or hard than the average life of a nineteen year old. Mralexan 08:58, 20 May 2007 (EDT)

Repitition

Incorrect: While if they believe they are fully capable of completing the task, nothing will be able to stop them.

Correct: While if the Irish believe they are fully capable of completing the task, nothing will be able to stop them. Fotomaki 13:26, 21 May 2007 (EDT)

Rhetorical Question

Was

My personal style already fits in so well where I work, that why would I want to change it?

Should Be

My personal style already fits in so well where I work, that why would I want to change it.

Explanation page 316

The question mark was removed because it was an indirect question, which should not have a question mark after it. TheFlyingScotsman 13:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Hmmmm.....

There's a that/than thing going on too. I don't recall the context precisely, but I may have been asking you to consider whether or not to use a question here at all. Without the question mark, it reads as if you are missing the proper punctuation. As a question, it invites the reader to speculate in a direction that I'm not sure serves your purpose? Can you not assert this as a statement? steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

=Rhetorical Question

Was

So why place all these freshman in a part of campus that is known to be a bad influence.

Should Be

So why place all these freshman in a part of campus that is known to be a bad influence?

Penguin Page 316

Place a question mark at the end of a direct question. TheFlyingScotsman 19:44, 4 May 2007 (EDT)

Run-on-Sentences

- two or more sentences together/no separation (p.250-251)

Incorrect:“Whatever job my dad took on, my little brother, my older sister, and I supported his decision and even ended up helping him work the land after we were done with homework, because school was the most important job for students.”

Corrected: Whatever job my dad took on, my little brother, my older sister, and I supported his decision. After finishing our homework, we would lend him a hand.Phane88 22:27, 2 April 2007 (EDT)

Semicolon/Colon

Original: “Identity has to do with all things, big and small, no matter what you are thinking, experiencing, or reacting to; you are changing your identity.”

Page/Reasoning: 295. In order for a semicolon to be used, it must be separating two main clauses. The phrase: “you are changing your identity” is not a main clause therefore a comma, not a semicolon, is needed. Rewrite: “Identity has to do with all things, big and small, no matter what you are thinking, experiencing, or reacting to; you are changing your identity.”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Alternatively

There are two main clauses in the sentence, however, so you could use a semi-colon: the question is where? ;-) steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Shift in Tense

- to specify change in time by shifting from one tense to another (p.269)

Incorrect: “This little town I grew up in had many purposes to others and me because when looking around it, you could see who your neighbors are, and what you can do to change somebody else in need.”

Corrected: My hometown had many purposes to all of its residents because something always had to be done, such as helping someone in need.Phane88 22:27,

Shifts in tense

always refer to a writer’s words in the present tense (penguin, 255-).

Incorrect: “In conclusion, Anzaldua can be paranoid because of her complaining about everything that went wrong in her life and blamed it on monolingual individuals and Mexicans.”

Correct: In conclusion, Anzaldua can be paranoid because of her complaining about everything that went wrong in her life and blames it on monolingual individuals and Mexicans.Phane88 11:33, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Shifts in Tense

Was

So at the end of it all, I am saying is that when I am writing I am a different person from the way I am at any other point in time.

Should Be

What I am trying to say is that while I am writing I am a different person from the way I am at any other point in time.

Explanation page 269

Saying is present and when is in the past, these two are fine alone, but in the same sentence they can be contradictory and confusing. TheFlyingScotsman 13:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Wordy, too!

Streamlining and diction can help, for instance: While writing, I am a different person than I am during other activities. ;-) steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Shifts in Tense

Original: “Her parents, however, is from India, a country with a culture dissimilar to that of the United States.”

Page/Reasoning: 259. The word “parents” is plural, so the word “is” should be as well.

Rewrite: “Her parents, however, are from India, a country with a culture dissimilar to that of the United States.John? 10:09, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Shifts in Tense

Incorrect: “Eating disorders in order words, binge eating, anorexia nervosa, and bulimia is one of the most deadly illnesses among teens.”

Correct: Eating disorders such as binge eating, anorexia nervosa, and bulimia are the most deadliest illnesses among teens.Phane88 12:24, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Diction, too

In this sentence, deadly is the correct form. Alternatively, (to keep deadliest) you could rewrite: "...are among the deadliest illnesses for teens." steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Shifts in Tense

Was

Second the buildings that have been given are the most desirable that southwest had to offer.

Should Be

Second the buildings that have been given are the most desirable that southwest has to offer.

Penguin Page 270

Be careful to avoid confusing your reader with unnecessary in verb tense. TheFlyingScotsman 19:44, 4 May 2007 (EDT)

And And And!

Missing a comma and capitalization, too. :-/ steph (COM) 16:59, 7 May 2007 (EDT)

Singular/Plural

If you are talking about more than one, add an "s" or in some cases, replace the "y" with "ies". To show posession, add "'s".

Incorrect: In the Indian culture, these food are not accepted.

Correct: In the Indian culture, these foods are not accepted. Jessica 12:11, 26 April 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: She must eat exactly how they eat, even if it does go against her families beliefs.

Correct: She must eat exactly how the Americans eat, even if this food does go against her family's beliefs. Jessica 12:11, 26 April 2007 (EDT)

Different Category: Possession

Singular/Plural

Incorrect: Within the constant relation of food to culture to identity, the relationship she has with her mother and father is always present.

-Unintentional shifts in tense, mood, voice, or number often distract readers. (Pg. 268)

Correct: Within the constant relation of food to culture to identity, the relationships she has with her mother and father are always present. Andy 12:14, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Singular/Plural

Using "s" in the correct word after the word used.

Incorrect: Different dialect of languages causes people to get labeled as uneducated or ignorant because of their speech.

Correct: Different dialects of language cause people to get labeled as uneducated or ignorant because of their speech.Esco 13:59, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Singular/Plural

Was

My writing however is never like this I always either write without looking deeper into things, spend to much time looking into things and have no time left to write, or usually I do a little mix of both

Should Be

My writing however is never like this I always do one of the following write without looking deeper into things, spend to much time looking into things and have no time left to write, or do a little mix of both

Explanation page 255

Using the word either meant that I should have only had two options. TheFlyingScotsman 13:27, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Slang

Certain words are only acceptable in speech, not in formal papers.

Incorrect: Being in America, Geeta has taken on a lot of new responsibilities.

Correct: Being in America, Kothari has taken on some new responsibilities. Jessica 12:13, 26 April 2007 (EDT)

Slang

Incorrect: “…is an example to show us the reader that the author is still hung up on her cultural side but, why and why again did she only write only one paragraph based on her childhood memories?”

Correct: …is an example to show the reader that the author is in touch with her cultural side, but why and why again did she only write one paragraph based on her childhood memories?Phane88 10:26, 3 May 2007 (EDT)

Slang

Original: “Turnovers, a cookie, are delicious and all, but I would feel lost if I were to visit Poland on my own, or even with my family.”

Page/Reasoning: 229. The phrase “and all” is a colloquialism which is not used in formal writing.

Rewrite: “Turnovers, a cookie, are quite delicious, but I would feel lost if I were to visit Poland on my own, or even with my family.”John? 10:05, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Incorrect: This being that when a person is told not to do something it will more then likely create the opposite effect then planned.

Correct: The theory being that when a person is told not to do something, they will more likey do the opposite. Jessica 19:29, 1 May 2007 (EDT)

Slang

Was

That means that there is only 2400 rooms available for all other students that wish to live in southwest, when you then subtract the rooms set aside for raps and taps the number falls to about 1500 (OIT).

Should be

That means that there is only 2400 rooms available for all other students that wish to live in southwest, when you then subtract the rooms set aside for Residential Academic Programs and Talent Advancement Programs the number falls to about 1500 (OIT).

Penguin Page 230

Don’t use slang unless it is appropriate. TheFlyingScotsman 19:44, 4 May 2007 (EDT)

Slang

Original: I thought getting an education and waiting till I am older was the “correct” thing to do, but why am I the unhappy one and they are celebrating?

Reasoning: pg: 229; Formal papers need to be just that–formal and slang leaves the reader feeling the paper is informal.

Rewrite: I thought getting an education and waiting until I am older was the “correct” thing to do, but why am I the unhappy one and they are celebrating?Mralexan 09:01, 20 May 2007 (EDT)

Spacing/Dashes

Spacing/Dashes.

Original: “Identity –A Mixed Breed”

Page/Reasoning: 303. The dash in the title should not have a space between Identity and A.

Rewrite: “Identity–A Mixed Breed”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Spelling

- writing a word incorrect form (not in handbook)

Incorrect: “When street thugs are passing by my house they would just quiet down and go do their thing somewhere else because no body wanted to mess with my dad but then again who can blame him, he was raising four girls.”(I could not find anything else)

Corrected: When street thugs are passing by my house they would just quiet down and go do their thing somewhere else because nobody wanted to mess with my dad but then again who can blame him, he was raising four girls.Phane88 22:27, 2 April 2007 (EDT)

Spelling

Spelling.

Original: “Identity is everything associated with a person seems like abroad definition, but it is the only true definition.”

Page/ Reasoning: NA. The word “abroad” is supposed to be “a broad”.

Rewrite: “Identity is everything associated with a person seems like a broad definition, but it is the only true definition.”John? 11:42, 25 April 2007 (EDT)

Spelling

Original: She and my father coach me repeatedly over the phone, but me the best cookbooks, and finally write down their secrets.

Penguin used aove.

Corrected: She and my father coach me repeatedly over the phone, buy me the best cookbooks, and finally write down their secrets. Andy 12:00, 1 May 2007 (EDeen the p[T)

Spelling

Original: The tension between the police and the students can be eased, and understanging is the key.

Use Above Penguin.

Corrected: The tension between the police and the students can be eased, and understanding is the key. Andy 15:37, 2 May 2007 (EDT)

Spelling

Incorrect: From her forced vegetarianism while living in London, Kothari realizes that her connection with her parent is rooted in their inability to suit their pallet to the foreign dishes that defy their religious beliefs that defy their religious beliefs and their stubborn pallet.

Correct: From her forced vegetarianism while living in London, Kothari realizes that her connection with her parent is rooted in their inability to suit their palate to the foreign dishes that defy their religious beliefs that defy their religious beliefs and their stubborn palate. Fotomaki 12:56, 21 May 2007 (EDT)

Subject-Verb Agreement

Original: "Are diamonds literally to die for? Is it worth the death of millions of people? Is it worth the mass murders?"
Reasoning: A verb must match its subject. If the subject is singular (I, you, he, she, or it), the verb must take a singular form. Therefore, verbs are said to agree in number with their subjects (p. 255; 22a).
Corrected: "Are diamonds literally to die for? Are they worth the death of millions of people? Are they worth the mass murders?" Annerrs 12:35, 3 May 2007 (EDT)