The First-Year students in College Writing created Prelude Sentences to lead readers into the introduction written about them by a classmate.

Read the feedback/analysis of your prelude and introduction. What ideas do you have in response? What do you learn about how readers (of a similar demographic, college students) interpret your choice? Are you inspired to change your prelude or determined to keep it? Explain.

Contents 1 Juniors' Feedback 1.1 Judge For Yourself 1.2 Sports reveal Character 1.3 Don't suck up, it's demeaning 1.4 Stormy 1.5 Different people respond to different situations differently 1.6 You are your biggest critic 1.7 Friday the 13th: A day to feel good about 2 Feedback from Other First-Years 2.1 Feared or Loved? 2.2 Between Continents 2.3 Hard Worker 2.4 Wing is Flying 2.5 Determination 2.6 the sap 2.7 CAN’T STOP 2.8 brand new 2.9 life and laughter 3 Feedback on SOME Introductions

Juniors' Feedback

The Juniors in COM375 were asked to select a Prelude Sentence "first-come, first-served," discuss their interpretation, and explain why the statement is intriguing and what they thought would find.

Judge For Yourself

Basically we concluded that this statement means that you and only you are the maker of your own destiny. You choose between right and wrong. You are the one who will make the final decision in regards to you and your stance on issues as well as decisions you make.--Com375 22:31, 15 October 2007 (EDT) --Jwanamak 22:38, 15 October 2007 (EDT)

Sports reveal Character

We believed this statement will lead to a story about athletes and how they are not just you regular average person. It states that Character is revealed, and this staement will be about how and why athletes reveal character. --DNA 11:49, 5 October 2007 (EDT)

Don't suck up, it's demeaning

Don't suck up to your teachers, that means they win. Have some self pride people. Look at yourself... get off your knees and stop kissing their feet.. they know they're better than you... you DONT have to make it any more apparent. You're pathetic. Seriously. Stop buying teachers crap, telling them they're smart, they're obviously smart, they're teaching you. --Dolly 13:49, 4 October 2007 (EDT) and --WrittenOnTheSubwayWalls

Stormy

“Keep a weather eye on the world, and the world will be yours”. We found this statement to be intriguing because with the world today many things are uncertain. With this in mind try to keep a level head. When we click on our line we think that there is going to be a picture of a storm. --CAMARO 13:51, 4 October 2007 (EDT)and --Ntourloukis 13:51, 4 October 2007 (EDT)

Different people respond to different situations differently

When we first looked at the quote we thought maybe a person with hard life experiences would be introverted and shy away from hard work. We also thought that maybe their survival instincts would kick in and they would be determined to work especially hard to make life better, or at least manageable, for themselves. It’s a broad quote and it’s hard to figure out what’s meant just by reading it. After reading it, it becomes easy to see what the author’s motivations and subjective perspective may be. --Bela 14:09, 4 October 2007 (EDT) and -- Dan kozuch 19:51, 4 October 2007 (EDT)

You are your biggest critic

We decided that this piece was about how ultimately you are your own judge and you shouldn't care what other people think. Being unique and making your own decisions is the way to go. You are the only one that can decide how to represent yourself to the world, so stand out. --Evan 14:00, 4 October 2007 (EDT) and --GinaaHHh 14:01, 4 October 2007 (EDT)

Friday the 13th: A day to feel good about

The the article "The Stork Arrives Friday the Thirteenth," was about a girl that goes to UMASS, who has had a tougher than normal life. To most people Friday the 13th is considered a day of bad luck, but to Amanda, the day brings about fellings of hope and happiness. Her baby sister was born on Friday the 13th in 1998, after months of pregnancy complications that threatened her sisters and mothers lives. --Amanda Huggenkis 14:12, 4 October 2007 (EDT)and --Bluesky123 21:11, 4 October 2007 (EDT)

Feedback from Other First-Years

This students worked in pairs looking only at the Prelude Sentences.

Feared or Loved?

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Um...Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." -from the Office

This quote intrigues us. Someone would rather be loved than hated in life. It's hard to love somebody, because it is hard sometimes to say it to someone's face. It might be a awkward or strange feeling to get used to. We think that we would find the reasons/actions behind this quote. Maybe he is trying to impress people by saying this or hiding a fear within himself that he won't necessarily reveal. He is denying it and maybe not answering the question straightforward. Another interpretation of this quote is taking fear as a way of controlling people. With fear from others, then there is no remorse from the person who is controlling the feared. Fear is what helps the person make decisions quickly. As for being loved, there is no control for that person. People will be able to take advantage of someone who is loving and being loved. In this situation, people tend to second guess themselves instead of being assertive and dominant.

"Would I rather be feared where I can make decisions quickly or loved where I take into consideration the other person's feelings? Um...Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

Simon and Elizabeth

Between Continents

We both thought the statement was a bit vague, but still intriguing. If feels like it should be part of a bigger story that we would both want to read further. We believe it is stating that a person or a family is moving from one continent to another while continuing contact with their family in their home continent. We can assume from this statement that the individual or family is moving for either educational or economical purposes. It's almost as if the family needs to go, but doesn't necessarily want to go, so they keep in contact as much as they can. We think this statement could be taken from a story about a family's journey to a completely different place because they want to give themselves and their children a better life then their home country offers.In leaving, they would want to keep in contact with their family and culture as much as they can.We think that if the author clarified the individual or family's reason for leaving and where they are going would make the statement more informative.It would clarify whether someone was moving for educational/economic reasons versus leisure/retirement.We would also like to know why they keep in contact with the family and how. In terms of clarification the author could have specified what kind of family ties or bonds they held with their family bake home in order to create a sentimental connection.

Priscilla and Temari

Hard Worker

Yes, this statment does intrigue us. It seems as if the author is stating that people who overcome obstacles early in their lives become stronger and more hard working in the future; in other words they do not take things for granted. If we read the narrative to which this quote refers we would find specific hardships the author or the character in question went through to become a stronger individual. An alternative quote could be: "The obstacles that one ungergoes, as a result of hard life experiences, makes them a more resilient individual"

Dan and Linus

Wing is Flying

Upon first glance the statement did not intrigue us at all. It seemed as though there was nothing to work with and it was mere nonsense. After a few mintues of analyzing and discussing the statement we were deeply involved and intrigued. Its open-endedness that initially turned us away from the quote allowed us to create our own interpretation of a story around it. We were able to draw lots of details and connections from the text some of which were...

• Wing is a proper noun (most likely a male)
• the repetition of "flying" is meant to grab your attention and focus on the positive connotations of flying
• Flight is used as a metaphor for positive experiences, success and potential for success(wing). The act of flying is thought of as positive, uplifting, symbolizes attaining goals and ambitions.
• The name Wing implies potential for success

After analysis we created a story attached to the statement. We see Wing as a boy who has endured tough times and over come his adversities, reaching success. the author seems to be a family member or someone who is admiring his determination and success. Wing realizes his potential after this life-changing experience and "flies" or rises above his problems.

Sabrina and Melody

Determination

Quote: "Determination to reach my goals and succeed makes a young girl move states away from home."

1. The statement intrigues us because we don't understand what the speaker means. It is somewhat of an abstract quote. We also don't know the context of the quote. It could apply to so many people who are going through a rough situation.
2. What is implied is that a person is in a bad situation, for example a break up, parents' are divorced, abusive relationship, an he or she wants to overcome it. He or she is showing off a sense of confidence and ambition as well in the process. He or she wants to end the vicous cycle of whatever is going on in their lives.
3. In the narrative and moral sense we could find in context that a young person is going through an almost "rags to riches" story. They are coming from a bad place and are looking for a way out. In most narrative the main character acheives this and goes on to be greater things.
4. There are many ways to rearrange the quote through alternative construction. For example, because the quote is so vague you could add specific causes and effects. Why was the girl so determined to move away, maybe because her boyfriend was abusing her. The fear of her boyfriend and pain that she had when she was with him gave her the determination to move to other states.

Ashmita & Harold

the sap

"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."
Fred Allen

This statement is intriguing to us because it is so ambiguous. The quote can be defined in many different forms. This quote is implicit. It is a metaphoric statement and much can be deciphered by this quote. By stating that he doesn’t have to look up his family tree, he might mean that his family tree is unnecessary to discover and that the past does not matter. It seems that he is using an arrogant tone of voice. The rest of his quote, “…because I know I’m in the sap,” can be defined as the defending of his statement. He wants to make his own history, without considering his families past. It could be understood in the way that he had a negative past in relationship to his family and he wants to exclude that factor out of his life and start new. Basically, he is already part of something great and does not need to justify it by his families past. He is who he is; nothing can change it, not race or any other circumstances. If we read the narrative to which this quote refers it might entail the family situation of Fred Allen, and even though it might have been negative, it does not matter and it does not reflect who he has become. Also, regardless of any hardships in his families past, he is still a bright outcome of his history.

Charlene, Lisa, TinYan

CAN’T STOP

My heart’s keeping time to the speed of sound I was lost then I heard the drum and I found my way---‘cause YOU CAN’T STOP THE BEAT.” “Hairspray”

The statement is not very intriguing because I do not understand the context surrounding this statement. As for what is implicit, the author is confused/lost about something and nervous about being in that state, therefore his/her heart is beating very fast. Suddenly the author has a eureka moment, and discovers the answer to his/her question. With an answer in mind, nothing can stop the author from reaching his or her goal (s). According to Marcos, this is a quote from the movie “Hairspray” which is stated during a moment of doubt about the main character’s dance.

My heart was pounding at the speed of sound because I was lost. I discovered the way and now nothing can stop me!

Du & Marcos

brand new

The Statement Intrigues me where as I don’t know who the old Christine lee was. I don’t care for a Christine lee. I think the old Christine Lee wasn’t good enough there was something insufficient about the old Christine Lee. I think I would be able to understand what was wrong with the old Christine Lee and why they would change her and what they would do to change the old Christine. The sentence is quite clear and concise making it quite easy to understand. Therefore I don’t think that the comment is not too.

Patrick

life and laughter

The preceding statement is intriguing. It evokes or hints to happiness and optimism. The statement seems to refer to positive thinking. After all there is more to life then stressing over school or work. One should enjoy the simple things in life. This quote may be found in a self help book or in a motivational speaker’s speech.

Naychelle and Veronica

Feedback on SOME Introductions

The Juniors (but not the other first-year class) were asked to then read and explore the relationship between the Prelude Sentence and the Introduction that followed.

1. Please ignore grammar and focus on the a) ideas, b) organization, and c) logic of the biographical statement. Discuss these three areas with your teammate and generate a brief statement of constructive feedback to the author. Include at least one strength and one area for improvement in each of these three areas.
2. Finally, explain the evidence in the biographical statement that supports or lends itself to the Prelude Statement. In particular, what relationship(s) do you perceive between the Prelude Statement and the writing which it introduces?